Folks, I’m madder than a hornet stuffed in Santa’s pants, madder than a vegan at an all-you-can-eat rib joint, madder than Hillary Clinton finding out the election was fair! I’m so dang furious I could chew tinsel and spit out razor wire! Christmas shopping used to be wholesome American fun – like a Norman Rockwell … READ MORE
“SANTA’S CRUEL AND MEAN,” DECLARES ONE ANTI-TINSEL TERRORIST! It’s twenty-one degrees outside the cab of this BearCat SWAT vehicle. The wind shrieks and the waves of rain pummeling the cab are slowly turning into torrents of ice…soon to be snow – a lot of it. The truck makes its way through the maelstrom. It’s thirty … READ MORE
NASA has released a photo taken by its Curiosity rover that shows a mysterious unexplained Christmas Tree on Mars. The rover’s “navcam” (which acts as an eye) transmitted the raw black-and-white image back to Earth on December 23rd, 2019. Upon examing the photo, it’s quite easy to see the wrapped gifts underneath the tree. The decorations … READ MORE
HE CLAIMS HE WILL SAVE CHRISTMAS! He’s leaving his new hit show GUTFELD! in the next two weeks, so he can make toys for Christmas! For years there have been rumors that the late-night comedian/pundit was part Elf, but now a new WWN report proves that he is! Supply Chain Crisis “Yes it’s true, … READ MORE
SINGING HIS HEART OUT FOR EVERYONE IN THE WWN UNIVERSE! Bat Boy, who is still getting over his loss in the 2020 election, was back in West Virginia today. He is just getting back from a three-week trip to Great Britain. He met with leaders of Parliament and this past Sunday he was invited to … READ MORE
A statewide manhunt is underway this morning in Washington for Santa Claus. He escaped from the Betty Ford Clinic late yesterday afternoon. Santa was being watched round-the-clock, ut somehow managed to flee after a small explosion blew a hole in his quarters. No injuries have been reported because most of the residents were in the … READ MORE
A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE! Jesus H. Christ, Son of God and The Savior of Mankind, was amazed, last week, to find the face of rock songstress Cher in his slice of rye toast. “It was definitely the face of Cher,” said Mr. Christ. “I couldn’t believe it. I’ve been a fan of hers since her Sonny … READ MORE
A woman has given birth to an amazing Reindeer Boy who sports a pair of antlers! The cuddly infant, appropriately named Rudolph is now seven months old. Despite a prominent set of pointy antlers sprouting from his head, he is in perfect health. His doctors in Nome, Alaska feel that he can have a normal … READ MORE
Is it Curtains for Christmas? RANCHO MIRAGE, CA – There was a media circus here today as Santa Claus checked himself into the Betty Ford Clinic. Santa opted to enter rehab as part of a plea deal for crimes he committed with Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Mr. Claus will need to complete a 90-day sobriety … READ MORE
WWN can confirm that the Mayan apocalypse was stopped by Bat Boy, who risked his own life to save Earth!