CHAINSAW KILLER TO QUIT KILLING
“I can’t seem to compete, anymore,” killer sighs Lars Oldstire, better known as “The Merciless …
Brick Rivers
FAMED VENTRILOQUIST AND DUMMY TO SPLIT?
DIVORCE COURT IS STYMIED! World-renowned ventriloquist Dayton Feathers and his wisecracking dummy, Missie, seem to …
PRIVATE BIG GAME HUNT IN TEXAS CALLED OFF
Donald Trump, Jr. upset! “Little Bitey Things Were Everywhere!” The much-heralded “Africa In Texas” private …
DE-THAWED NEANDERTHAL LIVING IN QUEENS!
Dubbed “Vinnie, the Barbarian” by locals, “he’s actually great at ‘knock-knock’ jokes” says his guardian. …
TV’S ‘DUMB NEWS’ ABRUPTLY FOLDS
The syndicated series “America’s Dumbest News” has abruptly shut down. Billionaire backer Howard W. Huggs …
SATAN HIRES A PUBLICITY FIRM
HE CLAIMS HIS REPUTATION IS NOT BAD ENOUGH “I’m tired of not getting credit for …
DEAD STRIPPER FOUND IN CAKE!
STRIPPER BAKED IN CAKE CAUSES HAVOC AT BACHELOR’S PARTY AND BAR MITZVAH “It just wasn’t …
PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE BALLET!
NEWLY FORMED USA BALLET COMPANY TO REVIVE THIS SCI-FI CLASSIC Moe Fangule, the President of …
MAN ORDERS GERMAN SHEPHERD ON-LINE…
WINDS UP WITH 57-YEAR-OLD MAN! Oliver Hasper had gone through a very bad year. His …
LET THEM EAT TWINKIES!
According to the Washington Post: “The U.S. Department of Agriculture has taken another whack at …