DEAD STRIPPER FOUND IN CAKE!
STRIPPER BAKED IN CAKE CAUSES HAVOC AT BACHELOR’S PARTY AND BAR MITZVAH “It just wasn’t Kosher!’ declares Bar Mitzvah boy’s Mom. Police descended upon Cross-Eyed Betty’s Bakery in Brooklyn today … READ MORE
Brick Rivers
SANTA HIRES OUTSIDE PROTECTION THIS YEAR!
WILL WEREWOLVES ON WHEELS SAVE CHRISTMAS? It was just about a week ago that this WWN stalwart received a strange phone call. “Brick? This is Santa Claus. I need your … READ MORE
MEET THE MOST HATEFUL MAN IN AMERICA!
“HELLO, I HATE YOU ALL,” HE GREETED. Our story began last month when Guinness World Records, headquartered in London, anointed Ned Demeanor the “Most Hateful Man In America.” “We were … READ MORE
FIRST CERTIFIED HAUNTED HOTEL OPENS IN AMERICA!
NEW OWNER AND GHOSTS BECOME BUSINESS PARTNERS! Staring up at The Helstrom Hotel in Berry Hills, New Jersey, one can’t help being transported to another time, another place. The Hotel … READ MORE
AN INCEL’S GUIDE TO DATING PUBLISHED!
CRITICS AGREE: “WTF?” For those of you who haven’t noticed, there are a lot of surreal movements lurking under the surface of The American Dream. One of them is the … READ MORE
ROBOT OVERLORDS ABORT U.S.A. INVASION!
“IT WOULD’VE BEEN TOO CRUEL,” SAYS HEAD ROBOT, “LIKE DROP-KICKING A KITTEN.” In June of 2019, the small, sluggish burg of Constant Falls, the government designated Georgia “Ground Zero” in … READ MORE
ANCIENT EGYPTIAN BOWLING LEAGUE DISCOVERED IN DIG!
BOWLING BALLS AND PINS UNEARTHED AS WELL! Last November, when the headlines were driven by the first wave of COVID-19, archeologists in Egypt unearthed more than 100 beautifully painted wooden … READ MORE
SNOW WHITE’S PRINCE ACCUSED OF SEXUAL MISCONDUCT!
LIFE-SAVING KISS DEEMED “NON-CONSENSUAL” AND A BAD EXAMPLE. On a lovely street tucked into Burbank’s suburbs is a block featuring nothing but tiny “fairy” cottages. At the end of the … READ MORE
BAT BOY’S BAND IS ON THE RUN! PURSUED BY THE FBI!
HIS WORLD TOUR IS FORCED TO GO UNDERGROUND! The lights dim in “Florida Man’s Cave” in Daytona, Florida. This reporter is sitting next to concert promoter Dick Hyman. “You’re going … READ MORE
CLASSIC MONSTER RETIREMENT HOME EXPANDS CAMPUS!
WELCOMES THE CLASS OF THE 1950S. Entering the 2,000 plus acres Monster Retirement home after dark is like entering a different world, several different worlds, in fact. This reporter is … READ MORE