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Brick Rivers

ANTI-CHRISTMAS CULT BUSTED IN BUFFALO!

December 23, 2022 by Brick Rivers

“SANTA’S CRUEL AND MEAN,” DECLARES ONE ANTI-TINSEL TERRORIST! It’s twenty-one degrees outside the cab of this BearCat SWAT vehicle. The wind shrieks and the waves of rain pummeling the cab … READ MORE

Categories Headlines, Mutants Tags Anti-Christmas, Bunnies, christmas, SWAT

IN HOLLYWOOD, MONSTER MARRIAGE COUNSELING IS THE NEW “TREND!”

February 6, 2023December 8, 2022 by Brick Rivers

“YOU SAW HER. YOU GOT HER. NOW, WHAT?”  Not satisfied with delivering such cultural milestones as roller boogie, New Age cults, the Marvel Universe and Ronald Reagan to the world, … READ MORE

Categories Headlines, Mutants Tags vampires

TOILET TURNS INTO SPACE-TIME PORTAL WHEN FLUSHED

September 23, 2022September 22, 2022 by Brick Rivers

“AFTER ABOUT SIXTEEN FLUSHES AND THE TOILET SPITTING UP VIKINGS, I STARTED TO GET SUSPICIOUS,” SAYS OWNER. The hand is extended, trembling above the lever. Slowly it grips the wooden … READ MORE

Categories Headlines, Paranormal, Science Tags portals, toilets

THE RETURN OF BOBSTRADAMUS!

March 13, 2022March 2, 2022 by Brick Rivers

NOSTRADAMUS’ KID BROTHER SIZES UP 2022. As we slog into the third month of 2022, it’s becoming obvious that this year is going to be screwier than last year. Marching … READ MORE

Categories Headlines Tags Bobstradamus, nostradamus, prophet, seer

WAS “THE LAST SUPPER” REALLY A CELEBRITY ROAST?

February 11, 2022 by Brick Rivers

ONE SCIENTIST SAYS “YES!” Most professors of Art History and a hefty amount of podiatrists conclude that there are three images of art, recognized all over the world: The Crucifixion, … READ MORE

Categories Headlines Tags Celebrity Roast, Jeff Ross, jesus, Last Supper, Roasts

DEAD STRIPPER FOUND IN CAKE!

January 11, 2022January 6, 2022 by Brick Rivers

STRIPPER BAKED IN CAKE CAUSES HAVOC AT BACHELOR’S PARTY AND BAR MITZVAH “It just wasn’t Kosher!’ declares Bar Mitzvah boy’s Mom. Police descended upon Cross-Eyed Betty’s Bakery in Brooklyn today … READ MORE

Categories Headlines Tags dead stripper, stripper

SANTA HIRES OUTSIDE PROTECTION THIS YEAR!

December 3, 2021 by Brick Rivers

WILL WEREWOLVES ON WHEELS SAVE CHRISTMAS? It was just about a week ago that this WWN stalwart received a strange phone call. “Brick? This is Santa Claus. I need your … READ MORE

Categories Headlines Tags protection, santa claus, werewolves

MEET THE MOST HATEFUL MAN IN AMERICA!

November 15, 2021 by Brick Rivers

“HELLO, I HATE YOU ALL,” HE GREETED. Our story began last month when Guinness World Records, headquartered in London, anointed Ned Demeanor the “Most Hateful Man In America.” “We were … READ MORE

Categories Headlines, Opinion Tags angry man, hateful, most hated in america

FIRST CERTIFIED HAUNTED HOTEL OPENS IN AMERICA!

October 30, 2021October 29, 2021 by Brick Rivers

NEW OWNER AND GHOSTS BECOME BUSINESS PARTNERS! Staring up at The Helstrom Hotel in Berry Hills, New Jersey, one can’t help being transported to another time, another place. The Hotel … READ MORE

Categories Headlines, Paranormal Tags ghosts, halloween, haunted, haunted hotel

AN INCEL’S GUIDE TO DATING PUBLISHED!

October 6, 2021 by Brick Rivers

CRITICS AGREE: “WTF?” For those of you who haven’t noticed, there are a lot of surreal movements lurking under the surface of The American Dream. One of them is the … READ MORE

Categories Advice, Headlines Tags advice, incel
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