BERKELEY, CA – A super-intelligent race of intergalactic tennis aficionados is lobbing an easy one at planet Earth to determine who gets first serve.
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UPDATE: STEVE JOBS STEPPING DOWN
UPDATE: Steve Jobs has just announced he will be taking a leave of absence – in order to complete his gender re-assignment!
APPLE FOUNDER TO LOSE ADAM’S APPLE
SAN FRANCISCO, CA – It was revealed this week that cancer survivor and Apple CEO Steve Jobs was undergoing hormone therapy to counteract his notable weight loss.
PhD APE JUNIOR!
SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Weekly World News is proud to announce the birth of PhD Ape’s first gorilla child!
MILEY CYRUS AND FATFOOT DUET
HOLLYWOOD, CA – In order to redeem her public image, Miley Cyrus has recorded a duet with Fatfoot for charity.
PhD APE LENDS SHOULDER TO BRITNEY
LOS ANGELES, CA – After revealing herself in the MTV documentary “Britney: For the Record”, Britney Spears turned to an old friend for support.
PhD APE TAPPED FOR NEW VH1 SHOW
LOS ANGELES, CA – PhD Ape was called in by VH1 to host a new celebrity rehab show.
PARIS HILTON FINDS NEW LOVE
BEVERLY HILLS, CA – After dumping recent boyfriend, Paris is going where no human woman as gone before.
BRONX MOWGLI ALSO HATES NAME
LOS ANGELES, CA – The son of Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson can be included in those who hate his name.