UPDATE: Amy Winehouse has been submitted to the hospital again, this time over stress from her crop circles!
BRONX MOWGLI ALSO HATES NAME
LOS ANGELES, CA – The son of Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson can be included in those who hate his name.
SOMALI PIRATES TO ACQUIRE CITIBANK
DJIBOUTI – The Somali pirates, renegade Somalis known for hijacking ships for ransom in the Gulf of Aden, are negotiating a purchase of Citigroup.
WOLF BOY PRESIDENT OF HAIR CLUB FOR MEN
MUMBAI, INDIA – Eleven year old Pruthviraj Patil, the world famous Indian Wolf Boy, has taken the helm of the multi-million dollar company.
CHENEY COMES OUT OF THE COFFIN
WASHINGTON, DC – Vice President Dick Cheney has announced that he is a Vampire. At a press conference in the hours before dawn, Cheney stated, “I am an Undead-American.”
CHAOS CLOUD GLARES AT SANTA BARBARA
SANTA BARBARA, CA – As the fires die down in Southern California, the Chaos Cloud moved in and set his ominous scowl.
SNL REJECTS LAKE ERIE MONSTER
LONG ISLAND SOUND, NY – The Lake Erie Monster tried out for the Saturday Night Live auditions to find new female cast members.
CHAOS CLOUD SLAMS ASIA
BEIJING, CHINA – The Chaos Cloud has been spreading across Asia to finally center in on one of the world’s most polluted cities.
CHAOS CLOUD COVERS NEW HAVEN
NEW HAVEN, CT – The Chaos Cloud settled over New Haven City Hall yesterday in preparation for the start of official gay marriages.
