TED KENNEDY NO-SHOW AT SHRIVER FUNERAL

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HYANNIS, MA – Ted Kennedy was notably absent today as family and friends gathered to pay their last respects to Eunice Kennedy Shriver. Or was he?

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MAN GIVES BROTHER $9M LOTTO TICKET

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ASHLAND, NH – Earl Havlock picked up the phone at the general store, dialed his brother Elwood and said: “come on down. I think I’ve won some money for you on the lottery.”

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TIGHTWAD TIPS FROM AMERICA'S RICHEST FAMILIES!

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When tough times start shrinking your bank-roll, you can still survive if you follow tightwad tips from the greatest experts on Earth — the world’s richest people!
There are lots of little ways to save big money. And no one applied them better than people like the Kennedy’s, Howard Hughes, J. Paul Getty and other multi-millionaires who really knew how to streeeetch a dollar.

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LADY GAGA IS A HERMAPHRODITE!

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LOS ANGELES, CA – Reports are pouring in that, Lady Gaga, the New York-born singer songwriter is not quite the ultra-feminine sexy siren she claims to be. According to sources, Gaga boasts both male and female genitalia.

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MICHAEL JACKSON WAS TO BUY YANKEES?

BRONX, NY – It was reported that Michael Jackson was to trade in his famed sequined glove for a baseball mitt. The late eccentric millionaire was to buy the Yankee franchise — so he could play center field.

JOHN HUGHES' DEATH TO BE MADE INTO ANGSTY TEEN MOVIE

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CHICAGO, IL — 80’s teen film director John Hughes died Thursday of apparent cardiac arrest during a morning stroll in Manhattan. Sources reveal it was really Hughes’ life, and more specifically, his death, that will truly be  immortalized.

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35 YEAR OLD MAN’S VIRGINITY AUCTION

CALIFON, NJ – In the wake of a recent successful auction, one middle-aged virgin wants to be the first man to sell his first time!

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