UPDATE: Amy Winehouse has been submitted to the hospital again, this time over stress from her crop circles!

While some press are reporting that Winehouse was treated for another drug binge, hospital staff revealed to Weekly World News that she had a nervous breakdown after the crop circles in her hair continued to reappear.

Her management have tried to cover it up by spray-painting her bald spots black, but how much more can poor Amy take? Clearly she is taking drugs to deal with her ordeal. These aliens are ruthless!

September 24, 2008
ALBUQUERQUE, NM – Hair-raising reports are pouring in from around the world of intricate crop circles mysteriously appearing overnight on people’s scalps.
The elaborate designs are created while the individual is asleep, yet not one of the victims or their partners has reported waking up during the procedure.
Victims say they wake from ‘an unusually restful sleep’ to find a complex array of circles and lines shaved into their heads.
“The cranial patterns are too intricate for the perpetrator of a hoax to have fashioned them without waking the recipients in the process,” says Dr. Leonard Schemmel, head of the Alien Research Center in New Mexico.
“We’ve gathered over 200 reports of cranial crop circles from 12 different countries, which appear to rule out a hoax.
“We’re convinced that these are genuine cases of extraterrestrial contact.”
One eerie case is that of British singer Amy Winehouse.
“It scares me to think… that.. some space creature was… in my bedroom… messing… with my head,” said Winehouse slowly, whose signature beehive was turned into a mind-bending matrix of complex designs.
Winehouse’s inability to concentrate on any task for more than seven seconds reaffirms that these victims are not shaving their own heads.
Fortunately for victims, the shaved sections of their heads grow back quickly.
“Apparently, the work was done with some sort of laser-like instrument that spares the hair follicles,” says Dr. Schemmel. “The patterns stay until the victim’s hair grows again.”
Why certain individuals are selected to receive the markings remains a mystery.

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  1. After tracking-down Amy Winehouse's former ear-candling hippie guru in Malibu, I've got some answers… and they are shocking and tragic.
    Yes, Amy Winehouse was abducted by aliens. She, along with thousands of others, was implanted with a tiny search-engine microchip in her frontal lobe. Amy's memory has been technologically set at 950 megabytes, courtesy of Google and Intel.
    As many have noticed Amy's vacant stare and odd hesitations while speaking, now the frightening truth has surfaced: Amy Winehouse's mind is constantly refreshing in order of search-engine PageRank.
    Medical experts agreed that the only hope for poor Amy is a frontal lobotomy.
    Save Wino!

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