ROGER CLEMENS SEEKS HELP FROM PHD APE

NEW YORK, NY – A former baseball great is seeking help from WWN’s best – will he help though?

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PHD APE HIRED BY TEAM USA

TURKEY – Team USA has made a last minute addition to their “roster.”

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KNICKS HIRE THOMAS, PASS ON PHD APE

NEW YORK, NY – The Knicks have made another questionable move – considering what they passed up!

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JON AND KATE PLUS APE

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WERNERSVILLE, PA – As the media attention grows surrounding allegations of infidelity, Jon and Kate Gosselin have asked for professional help from PhD Ape!

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PhD APE GROUP THERAPY: LOHAN, BOYLE AND DOG

HAMPTONS, NY – The demands on his time proving to be too great this week for individual attention, PhD invited three of his clients to a group therapy session at his posh oceanside retreat.

PhD APE AND MADAM KRISTIN DAVIS

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PHILADELPHIA, PA – As Madam Kristen Davis debates whether to publish her tell-all biography, she has turned to a longtime friend and alleged client for counsel: PhD Ape!

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CHIMP ATTACK FAMILY SEEKS COUNSEL

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STAMFORD, CT – Travis the chimp was shot dead after brutally attacking a human, and now his family is seeking comfort and advice from the world’s only PhD Ape.

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OBAMA MAKES MISTAKE, TURNS TO APE

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WASHINGTON, DC – With February off to a rocky start, President Obama called an old friend for some much needed support – PhD Ape!

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