new years eve

NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS ARE FOR SISSIES!

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Folks, this is Ed Anger here, pig-biting mad as a New Year’s Eve hangover in a dry county! Every January 1st, like clockwork, these whiny, yoga-pants-wearing, kale-munching wimps crawl out of their overpriced apartments and start blabbering about “New Year Resolutions.” Lose weight! Exercise more! Read books! Quit smoking! Save money! Be kinder to Mother … READ MORE

Dear Dotti: AMERICA’S MOST OUTSPOKEN COLUMNIST – NEW YEAR’S EVE SPECIAL EDITION!

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Folks, it’s your ol’ pal Dotti here, hunkered down in my Florida bunker with a bottle of champagne spiked with Bigfoot tears and a crystal ball that’s fogged up worse than Times Square after the ball drops. The world’s spinnin’ into 2026 faster than a chupacabra on a Red Bull bender—aliens crashin’ parties, Bat Boy … READ MORE

WAR ON NEW YEAR’S IS ON!

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“We’ve finally wrested control of Christmas from the heathen hordes,” boasted long-time social protestor Timothy O’Blivious to this WWN correspondent. “Now, we’re taking on New Year’s.” O’Blivious has fought long and hard in the War on Christmas. “First, we managed to get the ‘X’ out of Christmas. Remember that crap? Merry Xmas.” To make his … READ MORE

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