SENATOR PROMISES “NO MORE VOODOO”
WASHINGTON, D. C. – Sen. Bill Waverly confused a crowd of supporters when he pledged “the phase-out of all voodoo rituals in the hallowed halls of the U.S. Senate.”
Monthly Archives: April 2009
EDGAR MITCHELL BELIEVES IN ALIEN LIFE
GAITHERSBURG, MD – Former astronaut Edgar Mitchell stated at a UFO conference that extraterrestrial life exists and the government is actively covering it up.
BABY MAMMOTH FOUND
ANN ARBOR, MI – The nearly-perfect preserved remains of a baby mammoth are being studied at the University of Michigan.
OBAMA AND CHAVEZ NOT BFFs
CARACAS – President Obama and Hugo Chavez met for the first time earlier this week. Yesterday, video surfaced of Obama telling Chavez to stop calling him.
FOREVER 21 PLUS SIZE LINE
NEW YORK, NY – Fashion retailer Forever 21 debuted a new line of clothing for plus-sized women, along with the lines’ special consultant: Tonya, the World’s Fattest Cat!
OCTOPUS UFO IN BRAZIL
RIO DE JANEIRO – An alleged shape-shifting UFO has been caught on film for the first time!
MADONNA ADOPTS SLUMDOG STAR
MUMBAI – Father of Slumdog Millionaire star Rafiq Qureshi attempted to sell his nine year old daughter for $300,000. Madonna has put in a higher bid, hoping to add to her collection of ethnic children.
21 POLO HORSES DIE AT MATCH
PALM BEACH, FL – Twenty-one thoroughbred horses mysteriously died before a polo match on Sunday. What was the cause?
ED ANGER SAYS: STOP SAYING SORRY, OBAMA!
I’m madder than a snake at a mongoose convention! The Teleprompter Kid just can’t stop saying sorry!
WEEKLY HOROSCOPE: APRIL 20, 2009
Taurus: It’s a wild and wacky time where money is concerned. Whenever you’re out of the home, look for wads of bills.
