ANCHORAGE, AL – Bat Boy has decided on his 2020 running mate. After careful consideration, he has chosen Bigfoot to join him in his independent run for The White House! Bat Boy/Bigfoot 2020! After weeks of discussions with some of today’s biggest political consultants -David Axelrod, Karl Rove, Steve Bannon, Van Jones and Bill Clinton … READ MORE
They’ve had enough with boomers and the way they have ruined everything for the generations that follow them. In another effort to simplify life, millennials have decided that Thanksgiving is another tradition that has to go! There has been a serious conflict between the generations ever since the Stone Age, but nothing like the clash … READ MORE
LAS VEGAS, NV – The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are at it again. They have stunned fans (and foes) with news of their upcoming Las Vegas residency. Death, War, Famine, and Conquest signed a multi-million dollar deal with Circus Circus. The deal will have the sinister foursome performing for rapt audiences until Spring 2020. … READ MORE
Her Majesty has had it with her royal brood. They’ll have to fend for themselves from now on! Queen Elizabeth is done trying to teach the younger generations of the royal family how to behave. “They’ve all lost the plot,” said Buckingham Palace insider, Ian Wadsworth. “Charles has never been the man she thought he … READ MORE
President caught in Thanksgiving quid pro quo This afternoon, Pilgrim, a 38-pound turkey from northern Virginia pardoned President Donald Trump in an act of kindness, compassion, and charity for Thanksgiving. Pilgrim is a leader among turkeys at Gobbler’s Rest in Blacksburg, Virginia. On Friday he held a press conference. Pilgrim told reporters (though his turkey … READ MORE
The geezer had been there for 23 months! An Ohio family found an old man living in the attic of their home. They were shocked to learn that he’d been there for almost two years! “It makes my skin crawl just thinking about it,” says June Curlew, whose husband Robert discovered the bizarre stranger in … READ MORE
LOS ANGELES – This gang-riddled city has a new group of toughs to worry about – The Unicycle Gang! This gang might sound ridiculous, but these unicycle-riding punks have been implicated in over 375 muggings. They have been running a vast “protection racket” that has extorted close to $10 million from computer, electronics and phone … READ MORE
Albert Einstein, the beloved genius of the twentieth century, was not who he seemed—at least for most of his life! A shocking new interview has revealed the real Einstein died in 1934 in a freak accident in Princeton, New Jersey. Francine Clarke, who was twelve at the time, witnessed the tragedy. “He was visiting my … READ MORE
CHICAGO, IL – Geologists are stunned that a geyser has been erupting in Chicago over the last two weeks. At first, many Chicagoans believed that it was a steam pipe that burst, but authorities confirm it is a natural fountain that shoots boiling hot water into the air. The Chicago geyser is not as faithful … READ MORE
Aliens from the planet Gootan have seized the brain of Rudy Giuliani, the former mayor of New York City and the personal lawyer of President Donald J. Trump. Gootan-X-118-L, the overlord of Gootan—all inhabitants of the planet share its name, with minor variations—announced the seizure in a press release sent last week. According to the … READ MORE