GEYSER ERUPTS IN DOWNTOWN CHICAGO!

CHICAGO, IL – Geologists are stunned that a geyser has been erupting in Chicago over the last two weeks. At first, many Chicagoans believed that it was a steam pipe that burst, but authorities confirm it is a natural fountain that shoots boiling hot water into the air.

The Chicago geyser is not as faithful as the famous Castle Geyser in Yellowstone National Park, but it is erupting about 29 times a day. Large plumes of vapor often reach far above Willis Tower (formerly the Sears Tower).

Geologists have no idea why this geyser, which is now being called “The Dip Geyser” has suddenly erupted in Chicago. “Geysers are rare (there are less than 700 known geysers in the world). They exist on every continent in the world, except Antarctica. Yellowstone is home to more than half of all the geysers on planet Earth,” said Geologist Dr. Jack Malgorda. “But it is possible for a geyser to spontaneously erupt anywhere.”

Dr. Malgorda has traveled to Chicago to observe The Dip Geyser firsthand. “It’s amazing to look at. It’s so beautiful,” he said.

THE PANIC IN CHICAGO

Citizens of Chicago are not so happy with The Dip Geyser. Whenever it erupts they are seen running for their lives.

Geologists estimate that The Dip’s geyser is discharging a staggering two-million gallons of water a day. The water a geyser ejects comes from snow and rain. When precipitation hits the ground, most of it runs off into rivers and streams. A small portion, perhaps five percent, soaks into the ground, even underneath cities.

Moving slowly through tiny cracks it finds its way into the underground tunnels that make up the plumbing of a geyser, then is shot to the surface during an eruption. Travel from the surface down through the rock and out through a geyser eruption can take 500 years. “The Dip geyser has been preparing to blow for hundreds of years,” said Dr. Malgorda.

The most unusual aspect of The Dip Geyser is that numerous Chicagoans report that when it erupts, there is a lingering smell of Coors Light beer in the air. “I know that smell anywhere,” said Chuck Bentley. “I drink at least a case a week. And that’s Coors Light for sure. I don’t know who it got into that geyser, but it’s there.”

When presented with this information, Dr. Malgorda told Weekly World News that geologists are looking into the Coors Light aspect of the geyser. “It is highly unusual for any liquid, like beer, to get into the ground and then erupt as vapor. But we are scientists and we are going to be examing these reports,” Dr. Malgorda said. “We can’t rule out a Coors Light connection the geyser.”

As of this writing, The Dip Geyser was still erupting. We will continue following the story.

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