BOSTON, MA – Rick Santelli plans to throw the world’s most expensive Tea Party to protest of the Stimulus Plan, serving hundred dollar bills steeped in hot water!
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UPDATE: BOBBY JINDAL SPEECH FAILS
UPDATE: Senator Bobby Jindal’s talks with Satan appear to be working, as he was picked to deliver the official GOP response to President Obama’s State of the Union.
NIKE SIGNS GOD AS SPOKESMAN
LOS ANGELES, CA – Spokespeople for Nike Corporation announced yesterday the signing of God as the centerpiece of the ‘Thou Shalt Just Do It’ campaign.
BARRELEYE FISH CAUGHT ON VIDEO
MONTEREY, CA – Scientists have finally caught the barreleye fish on video, verifying it’s transparent head and internal eyes!
BUNNING IS NOSTRADAMUS REBORN
LOUISVILLE, KY – Appearing for the first time in hundreds of years, Nostradamus has taken a human form to predict the death of a Supreme Court Justice!
MARDI GRAS BANS MUTANT
NEW ORLEANS, LA – After an altercation with police Monday night, the half-man half-alligator mutant Manigator has been banned from Tuesday’s Mardi Gras celebrations.
COMET LULIN APPROACHES
BERKELEY, CA – A super-intelligent race of intergalactic tennis aficionados is lobbing an easy one at planet Earth to determine who gets first serve.
DEMON ICE CREAM FOUND!
MILAN, MI – A Weekly World News reader sent in this chilling discovery: possessed ice cream!
OSCARS MONTAGE BOMBS
LOS ANGELES, CA – Hollywood’s biggest night was marred by its own vanity when a 32-minute tribute video put most of its celebrity audience to sleep!
JIM MORRISON ALIVE, FOR NCAA PLAYOFFS
BAKERSFIELD, CA – College students, on a thesis roadtrip of area meth labs, uncovered something unexpected.