WHEN YOU’RE WALKING IN A WINTER WONDERLAND, BE CAREFUL: YOU’RE BEING WATCHED. As part of a secret defense program started late in the last decade, every snowflake that falls from the sky is now a tiny drone. The program, known as CAST-MASS (Crystalline Solid Transparent Monitoring And Surveillance System), was launched over the holidays. … READ MORE
HER 2020 PREDICTIONS ALREADY CAME TRUE! Before last week, Madame Florence, a psychic from rural Vermont, had an average record when it came to her annual list of Twenty Predictions. “I did about as well as anyone,” she said. What that meant, for the last decade, was that roughly one-fifth of the things she prophesied … READ MORE
You enjoyed your New Year’s Eve party. You drank some champagne and ate some hors d’oeuvres, talked to friends, chuckled at the banter of the television hosts on whatever network you preferred. Then you stayed up to watch the countdown as the ball dropped. When it reached the bottom, you cheered. “Happy New Year!” you … READ MORE
Not from Hell, But To Hell! Lucy and Marcus Teegarden planned to spend their tenth anniversary on a cruise. “I suggested it for months,” Lucy said. “I started with small hints—you know, saying nice things about cruises when we saw them in movies or on TV. But Marcus is dense, so I started leaving pamphlets … READ MORE
THEY Hear Napoleon Speaking The early albums of bands like The Beatles and The Rolling Stones may remind you of days gone by, but other classic sounds from the past are right under our feet: literally. According to a recent study by Starfield Laboratories, the earth accumulates a record of all noises, and they can be … READ MORE
Tick… Tock… Taken! One Minute Vanished! Pilar Campos-Rivers, a senior researcher at the Northwest Institute, started her address to the International Conference Of Horology in Lucerne, Switzerland last week with a joke. “Horology is the study and measurement of time,” she said. “It may sound dirty, but it’s not.” The crowd chuckled. But Campos-Rivers’ next statement … READ MORE
Albert Einstein, the beloved genius of the twentieth century, was not who he seemed—at least for most of his life! A shocking new interview has revealed the real Einstein died in 1934 in a freak accident in Princeton, New Jersey. Francine Clarke, who was twelve at the time, witnessed the tragedy. “He was visiting my … READ MORE
Aliens from the planet Gootan have seized the brain of Rudy Giuliani, the former mayor of New York City and the personal lawyer of President Donald J. Trump. Gootan-X-118-L, the overlord of Gootan—all inhabitants of the planet share its name, with minor variations—announced the seizure in a press release sent last week. According to the … READ MORE
Woodbeast came out to support Bigfoot’s Vice Presidential campaign in 2020. SUNBURY, PA – Local residents have always whispered about Bigfoot sightings, but they picked up considerably over the course of 2019. “It used to be once or twice a year,” said Jason Eckhart, who owns a hardware store. “Then it was once or twice a month. … READ MORE
What does HE have up his sleeve? When billionaire and former New York mayor Michael Bloomberg entered the Democratic presidential race, President Donald Trump said he wasn’t worried. “I know Michael,” he said. “He’s not going to do well…He doesn’t have the magic.” But little does Trump know that Bloomberg has been performing for months … READ MORE