He’s Ready to Rumble! Every Democratic debate has been slightly different, from the crowded stages late last year to the more recent, winnowed-down fields. The next one will be the most different yet, not just because former New York mayor Mike Bloomberg has qualified, but also because Bat Boy has. “That’s right,” said Bat Boy’s … READ MORE
History can be a funny business!!! As America moves toward the 2020 election, the country will see if there will be a 46th president or if the 45th — Donald J. Trump, in case you have forgotten — will earn a second term. But a recent discovery by historians has cast doubt on the numbering. Archivists … READ MORE
Is the cold-blooded legend ready to warm up? After years slinking out of the swamps and bayous and terrifying unsuspecting Americans, Manigator is trying something different these days: he’s looking for love. “I got sick of being a figure of fear,” he said. “It gets tiring and worse, it gets lonely. This year, on New … READ MORE
Time-Travel Mishap Can’t Derail Campaign! Bat Boy, whose 2020 candidacy picked up momentum last week with a surprise victory in the Iowa caucuses, had high hopes heading into this week’s New Hampshire primary. “We felt confident that Bat Boy’s brand of uptempo populism would capture the imagination of the electorate,” said Ph.D. Ape, campaign manager. … READ MORE
Monday’s Iowa caucuses were expected to crown the first winners in the Democratic primary process. But instead fell apart amid a hail of high-tech glitches and organizational mishaps. “There was no real winner,” said Nicholas Erdman, a political analyst for True News News. “Which meant that everyone is potentially a winner.” That was true for … READ MORE
Super Bowl LIV, which found the Kansas City Chiefs and the San Francisco 49’ers battling for National Football League supremacy, turned out to be an exciting contest, with a tight first half; a second half in which the 49’ers looked as though they might use their running game and the efficient play of quarterback Jimmy … READ MORE
Last night, two nightball superstars met for the first time in over a year as Adam Daimler (of the Lutherville Bulls) and Yancey Fellows (of the Columbia Arrows) found themselves on opposite sides of the gulch, at least for half the match. At midpoint, Daimler invoked a power play to compel Fellows over to his side, and … READ MORE
The result in yesterday’s nightball match surprised even veteran observers of the sport, with the Fulton Rangers defeating the Chalkridge Giants by a score of 11 (C) – 12 (B). “We hung in there,” said Gerritt Klammer, Fulton’s captain, who until yesterday had not recovered fully from a cut ear sustained during a non-conference match … READ MORE
IN A HOT AIR BALLOON Zeus, of Greek mythology fame, has long been one of literature and culture’s favorite figures. But until this week, nobody actually thought he existed! “I had heard about him, sure,” said Amy Leonard. “Who hasn’t? But I thought he was like Santa Claus or Napoleon, just a made-up person.” Then … READ MORE
CLICHE COMES TRUE! Revelation Changes Everything! We have all seen the science-fiction television shows and movies where the camera pans back at the end to reveal that our entire planet is the plaything of an alien child, held in its hand like a snow globe. “It’s a common kind of scene,” said Dr. Allen Gutfeld. … READ MORE