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PSYCHIC BATTING A THOUSAND!

HER 2020 PREDICTIONS ALREADY CAME TRUE!

Before last week, Madame Florence, a psychic from rural Vermont, had an average record when it came to her annual list of Twenty Predictions. “I did about as well as anyone,” she said.

What that meant, for the last decade, was that roughly one-fifth of the things she prophesied came true. “Some years I did a little better, some years I did a little worse,” she said. “But it was a pretty consistent four out of twenty.” 

Her previous best, achieved in 1999, saw her notching six accurate previsions, including foreseeing the arrest of the famed art forger Ely Sakhai, Sean Elliott’s Memorial Day Miracle, and the eruption of Mount Sabancaya. 

Ely Sakhai – Art Forger

But this year, Madame Florence’s predictions—all twenty of them—came true, and all before the end of the first week of January. 

COULDN’T BELIEVE IT

Madame Florence’s flawless slate included exactly predicting the death of General Soulemani and the crash of Ukraine Airlines Flight 752, divining the weather in her hometown down to the degree and centimeter of precipitation, foretelling the first winning lottery numbers of the year, and even anticipating a minor traffic accident in front of her home involving a Ford Taurus and a Jeep Cherokee. “The last one, I’m especially proud of. It just flashed in my mind—I saw it as a bull and an Indian bumping into each other. You have to know how to translate these kinds of things.”

Sabancaya Volcano – Indonesia – January 2nd, 2020

Madame Florence’s husband, Burt, says that he knew his wife could do it. “People have always made unkind jokes,” he said. “She had some tough breaks, but she always took it serious and kept practicing her craft. And this year it paid off.”

With this year already in the books, Madame Florence is hard at work on her 2021 predictions. “So far, I’m not getting much specific, but I think that at least one famous actor or actress will hover near death but recover, and at least one author that people counted out will come back strong with a lengthy novel.”

MAYBE TWELVE, MAYBE FOURTEEN

Even given her early start, Madame Florence is skeptical she can repeat this year’s performance. “That kind of thing happens only once in a lifetime,” she said. “I’m thinking maybe twelve right, maybe fourteen. And I’m putting that in as one of the predictions.”

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