halloween Archives

HALLOWEEN IN 2025: BACK IN MY DAY, IT WAS APPLES AND GHOST STORIES – NOW IT’S A $20 BILLION CIRCUS OF SIN AND SPARKLY WITCHES!

October 31, 2025 by Ed Anger

(And if you don’t like it, go hug a liberal pumpkin, you snowflake!) Listen up, you candy-hoarding, fog-machine-fondling freaks of the night! It’s October 31, 2025, and here I am, hunkered down in my bunker with a shotgun loaded with rock salt and a bowl of plain old Hershey bars . The kind of bars … READ MORE

FIRST CERTIFIED HAUNTED HOTEL OPENS IN AMERICA!

October 27, 2023October 25, 2023 by Brick Rivers

NEW OWNER AND GHOSTS BECOME BUSINESS PARTNERS! Staring up at The Helstrom Hotel in Berry Hills, New Jersey, one can’t help being transported to another time, another place. The Hotel resembles a collision between the Munster’s house and The Adams Family’s abode. It’s recently been renovated and it’s picture-perfect. Oh, and it’s haunted. This reporter … READ MORE

PUMPKIN BEARS GET LOOSE IN NORTH CAROLINA!

October 31, 2019 by Frank Lake

ASHEVILLE, NC – Locals have spotted a number of Pumpkin Bears in the woods outside Asheville. Authorities estimate that there are close to two dozen Pumpkin Bears on the loose, which is typical for this time of year. After all, it is mating season! This isn’t the first time that Pumpkin Bears have been seen … READ MORE

THE POPE BLESSES VAMPIRES IN ANNUAL TRADITION

October 29, 2019 by Tap Vann

VATICAN CITY – Pope Francis spent a good part of the day in the annual Halloween tradition at the Vatican: the Blessing of the Vampires. The annual vampire blessing began in the late 19th century by Pope Leo XII. People Leo decided that All Souls Day should include a blessing for vampires who would be … READ MORE