THE POPE BLESSES VAMPIRES IN ANNUAL TRADITION

VATICAN CITY – Pope Francis spent a good part of the day in the annual Halloween tradition at the Vatican: the Blessing of the Vampires.

The annual vampire blessing began in the late 19th century by Pope Leo XII. People Leo decided that All Souls Day should include a blessing for vampires who would be going out in cities around the world to feast on other citizens.

“By blessing vampires, Pope Leo felt that he would be blessing the victims of their bites and therefore he would be blessing their souls,” said Cardinal Giorgio Bontempo. “He was extremely progressive in his thinking and he figured the vampires would be out doing what they do anyway. Why not bless them so that their bites will be holy?”

Pope Francis made time for some individual vampires who requested to have an audience with him. He doused them with holy water that he blessed himself. “Pope Francis is very generous with his time when it comes to vampires,” said Cardinal Bontempo. “He feels bad that he can only see a couple of dozen vampires individually.”

He even blessed a few young vampires for the first time this year. “Pope Francis loves children and anything he can do to help them, he will do,” Cardinal Bontempo told Weekly World News.

At the end of the day, the Pope stepped on the balcony of St. Peter’s and blessed over 50,000 vampires that had come from all parts of the globe.

DID THE POPE GET BIT?

Many Catholics across the globe worry about Pope Francis getting bit by vampires he blesses. “I think Pope Francis is crazy, forgive me father, for continuing this tradition,” said an American tourist, Sophia Jagstun from Omaha, NE. “I worry that he will turn into a vampire himself and then what will we Catholics do?”

Pope Francis dismisses these types of concerns. “Pope Francis has a good rapport with vampires of all kinds and he trusts them, said Cardinal Bontempo. “Afterall it is up to God when he takes us – or has us bitten by a vampire.

The Pontiff is confident that the blessed vampires will be drinking the blood of good Christians around the world. “Go in peace,” Pope Francis told them.

God Bless the vampires.

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