WASHINGTON, DC – Shutdown crisis causes U.S. to turn to the alien, P’Lod, for guidance and financial aid.
U.S.
DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME
WASHINGTON – U.S. to develop giant reflective cones to keep the sun up 24/7.
EXECUTION DRUG DEPLETED: U.S. TURNS TO STONING
WASHINGTON – With supplies of execution drugs disappearing, the U.S. has turned to more primitive methods of execution.
U.S. ENLISTS 10 YEAR OLDS IN THE ARMY
WASHINGTON – U.S. Army is now allowing minors to serve in the military in preparation for a war with Libya.
EASTERN COUGAR EXTINCT
NEW JERSEY – Horny young men with no ambition fear for their survival with news of the extinction of the eastern cougar.
NEW HAMPSHIRE SELLS GUNS TO CHILDREN
WEST BURKE, NH – Gun shop sells hand gun to an eight year old.
U.S. BANS CONTRACEPTION
WASHINGTON – A phenomenon known as natural decrease is becoming a pseudo pandemic within the U.S.