CHICAGO: MANDATORY GUN OWNERSHIP
Chicago passed a law requiring each household to own a gun as a way to keep crime down.
Year: 2013
JUSTIN BIEBER’S MONKEY MURDERED
Justin Bieber’s monkey was murdered in Germany. Drake Bell is a suspect.
BARBARA WALTERS FIRED!
ABC has reportedly fired Barbara Walters from The View and forced her out of the network altogether.
OBAMA MAKES APRIL 1st “OPEN BORDERS DAY”
President Obama announced that for today only – the borders to the U.S. will be open. All are welcome!
7-YEAR OLD SOLVES SECRET OF THE UNIVERSE
ELFORD, Texas – For eons, scientists and philosophers have tried to uncover the secret of the universe. Last week, Jimmy Gallagher, 7, learned what it was.
THE DRACULA FISH RETURNS!
LONDON – The Dracula Fish, who once attacked women in Eastern Europe, has returned!
HACKERS FOILED BY KNICKS YOUTUBE VIDEO
Yonkers, NY police and FBI agents are crediting a YouTube music video in their apprehension of a hacker cell.
LENO DECLARES WAR ON FALLON
Jay Leno reportedly vows to stop Jimmy Fallon from taking over The Tonight Show. By any means necessary.
OBAMA’S NCAA BRACKET
President Obama spent ten days picking out his 2013 NCAA Bracket. He selected Indiana as the winner.