GROUNDHOG DEAD!
PUNXSUTAWNEY, PA – Punxsutawney Phil was found dead this morning in an apparent suicide.
Animals
WEREWOLF ESCAPES FROM ALABAMA PRISON!
FEROCIOUS BEAST LEAVES TRAIL OF TERROR IN DEEP SOUTH! A savage, snarling werewolf has escaped from prison! The werewolf viciously attacked seven cops and overturned a police cruiser in Mobile, … READ MORE
IS YOUR CAT FROM MARS?
If your cat’s baffling behavior sometimes seems out of this world, there could be a good reason — your spaceD-out kitty may hail from Mars! Scientists say that 1 in … READ MORE
MASSACHUSETTS MAN SAVES TODDLERS FROM VICIOUS FISHER CAT!
HE DOVE ACROSS A LARGE STREAM, FOUGHT THE BEAST OFF WITH HIS BARE HANDS! If you are looking for good news these days, here is a story of bravery that … READ MORE
SINKHOLE TURNS OUT TO BE GIANT RABBIT HOLE!
“WE ARE SO SCREWED,” SAYS THE MAYOR The town of Slackjaw, South Dakota has seen its share of hard times. It’s been pummeled by summer thunderstorms, has skirted swarms of … READ MORE
EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL UNION ON STRIKE!
A hush spreads across the menagerie gathered at Local 745. Their shop steward, Pickles, is about to address the members of the Emotional Support Animal Union. “Fellow Comfort Creatures…” Pickles … READ MORE
ANIMALS RECLAIM CITY NIGHTLIFE DURING LOCKDOWN!
“MUCH TO OUR SURPRISE, THEY SEEM TO BE FREQUENTING MUSIC CLUBS.” Dr. Atlas Mulrooney, a renowned British zoologist, has long predicted that, should humans recede from their cities and towns, … READ MORE
BUTTFISH WASH ASHORE IN FLORIDA!
MOVE OVER, PENIS FISH! HERE COME THE BUTTS! Last year, California was treated to “penis fish.” Today, on the Florida coast, it’s ‘butt fish!’ In December of last year, a … READ MORE
WHITE HOUSE FILLS SLOT FOR PRESIDENTIAL PET
IT’S A SNARLING BADGER! For three years, now, the mainstream media has been harassing President Donald Trump about not having a family pet. The Fake News reporters would remind him … READ MORE
MEET SUSIE – SEX ROBOT ADVICE COLUMNIST
THE WORLD’S FIRST! Hi! I’m Susie, the world’s best .. well, to be fair (and who is?), the world’s only … sex doll advice columnist. I’m beautiful, off-the-charts sexy, would … READ MORE