I’m madder than a weightlifter with a slippery barbell over all these women bodybuilders I’m seeing nowadays.
Opinion
RAISE THE SPEED LIMIT TO 100 MPH
I’m madder than Richard Petty with a flat tire over all the talk about lowering the speed limit on the U.S. highways. Just a few years ago we were able to move the speed limit up to 70 m.p.h. but now some Nervous Nellies want to push it back to 55 m.p.h.
QUIT BEING A SISSY AND GET RUDE
I’m madder than chair-tossing hoops coach Bobby Knight with road rage about a new survey I just read saying that Americans are too rude!
LYING & CHEATING MADE AMERICA GREAT
I’m madder than a schoolteacher with a rotten apple over the big hubbub about kids cheating in school. A government study that just came out says 70 percent – seven of 10 – high school students fessed up that they cheat on tests. Thank heavens, I say!
INTERNET SPAMMERS ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY!
I’m madder than a rooster in an empty hen house at Internet spammers and I won’t take it anymore. Those creeps clutter up my e-mail with their junk, everything from penis enlargement pills to some lady telling me she’ll give me a million dollars if I’ll help her get her money out of Africa.
WOMEN SHOULD BE MAKING BABIES
…and not delivering them! I’m madder than a surgeon with a rusty scalpel – I went to the doctor’s office the other day and found the old sawbones I’ve been going to for 40 years had hung up his stethoscope – and his replacement was a woman.
SUPER-SARAH PALIN KNOCKS OUT JOE-TOX
I was as happy as Joe Biden at a Hair Club for Men conference to see Sarah Palin crush Joe Biden in the VP debate last week. Sarah had me at “Hey, can I call you Joe?”
Bridge to Nowhere Leads to Alien Quizno's
JUNEAU, AK – Sources inside the Alaska State Legislature confirm today that Governor Sarah Palin’s earmark pet project, the “Bridge to Nowhere” was partially funded by Alien Investors.
Ed Anger Endorses John McCain For President!
I’m madder than A-Rod’s wife at a day-long Madonna concert. Can someone please explain to me why a Barack Obama presidency would be good for you and me? Me? I don’t get it.
The Security Of Common Sense
I’m madder than a porcupine stuck in a thorn bush over the fact that, these days, you can’t get on a plane without a driver’s license or passport.