CLEVELAND, OH – Teammates are becoming suspicious that recently acquired cheerleader Stephanie Peters is in fact an undercover operative from a rival high school.
Foxington Delaware
PHYSICIST PROPOSES WITH NUCLEAR BOMB TEST
FIJI – Physicist Matthew Bowen reports that, following the successful detonation of nuclear payload G-417, girlfriend Julie Belcourt is now his fiancée.
JAPANESE CITIZENS BECOME ANIMATED
TOKYO – A number of Japanese citizens have become afflicted with what can only be described as a reanimation.
GRIM REAPER JUST GLAD TO BE PART OF THE TEAM
PHILADELPHIA – The angel of death reports that he is happy to be doing his part in the ongoing process of devouring human souls.
HOUSING CRISIS ALSO AFFECTING GHOSTS
ORANGE, MA – Spirits and poltergeists from across the country are being forced to abandon mysterious old houses in favor of cots in gymnasiums.
3 SUGGESTED MASTER’S THESES
Drowning in books? Don’t know where to start? Here’s three easy ways to get a graduate degree!
THE SECRET TO SIX PACK ABS
NEW YORK— A team of trainers has announced over the course of every issue of Men’s Health magazine that abdominal definition is possible for the average newsstand shopper.
NEW AGE DEAL PUTS PSYCHICS TO WORK
WASHINGTON, DC – The economic recovery plan put forward by the Obama administration includes an initiative to employ as many as five hundred psychics.