LOS ANGELES, CA – Spokespeople for Nike Corporation announced yesterday the signing of God as the centerpiece of the ‘Thou Shalt Just Do It’ campaign.
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COMET LULIN APPROACHES
BERKELEY, CA – A super-intelligent race of intergalactic tennis aficionados is lobbing an easy one at planet Earth to determine who gets first serve.
SWEARING AT GOD IS GOOD FOR YOUR HEALTH
BALTIMORE, MD – A recently completed study has shown that profanity leveled at deities can extend your lifespan.
WHALES TAKE DOWN SOMALI PIRATES
CAIRO—The Egyptian government is calling on the gentle giants of the sea to take out pirate ships, and the whales are getting the job done.
MAN SUES HIMSELF FOR $8 MILLION
NEW YORK, NY – Wall Street executive Robert Rubin has successfully sued himself for $8 million.
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The Board of Directors appreciates your interest in working at The Harold Bugler and welcomes your applications, but doesn’t read or reply to any of them.
FATHERS AGAINST MOTHERS AGAINST DRUNK DRIVING
WASHINGTON, DC – Fathers all over the nation are uniting under the slogan “I drive better when I’ve had a few.”
ALEX RODRIGUEZ ADMITS STEROID USE
NEW YORK, NY – Alex Rodriguez has admitted to taking performance-enhancing drugs, and all the angels in the heavens above have wept as one.
PHELPS LOSES ENDORSEMENT DEAL
BALTIMORE, MD – Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps has lost an endorsement contract with Nabisco.