LET THEM EAT TWINKIES!
According to the Washington Post: “The U.S. Department of Agriculture has taken another whack at former first lady Michelle Obama’s Healthy School lunch push. She had established stricter nutritional standards … READ MORE
Brick Rivers
ARE hollywood crotch candles catching fire?
This month, actress/entrepreneur Gwyneth Paltrow sold out of a new candle called “This Smells Like My Vagina.” According to Paltrow’s Goop site, “This candle started as a joke between perfumer … READ MORE
SEVEN-YEAR-OLD DECLARES HIMSELF “ABOVE” SCHOOL LAW
BURLAP, NJ – Ronald Bunk, a 7-year-old transfer student to Our Lady of Angst School is fighting the charges of bullying by declaring himself “above” any and all school rules. … READ MORE
THE JERSEY DEVIL REAPPEARS!
HE ORDERS TAKE-OUT, STIFFS DELIVERY BOY New Jersey’s legendary large, beaked and winged Jersey Devil made an appearance after four decades of solitude, ordering fifty pounds of Chinese food from … READ MORE
IMPEACHMENT TOYS – Hot SELLERS
“It could be bigger than this past Christmas season!” enthused entrepreneur Wink DePalma, president and founder of Traumatoyzed Inc., speaking of his upcoming line of Impeachment Toys. “Let’s face it, … READ MORE
SCORSESE TO DIRECT “THE LITTLE RASCALS”
The LEGEND Director Martin Scorsese, currently winning accolades for the 50-year-de-aging process featured in his Nextflix film, “The Irishman,” has announced his next project: The Little Rascals. “What people forget … READ MORE
MAN-BUTT DIALS GOD!
“I thought it was gas,” recalls JoJo “Tiny” Metcalf. Mr. Metcalf, one of the most in-demand bouncers on the NYC club scene, adds “but once I heard the intonations, I … READ MORE
WAR ON NEW YEAR’S IS ON!
“We’ve finally wrested control of Christmas from the heathen hordes,” boasted long-time social protestor Timothy O’Blivious to this WWN correspondent. “Now, we’re taking on New Year’s.” O’Blivious has fought long … READ MORE
FEDS CREATE “RAKE FORCE”
IN EFFORT TO COMBAT FOREST FIRES American Politicians of both parties were astonished when the President used an executive order to create “Rake Force,” a massive 10,000 person outfit, culled … READ MORE
JESUS FINDS FACE OF CHER ON HIS TOAST!
A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE! Jesus H. Christ, Son of God and The Savior of Mankind, was amazed, last week, to find the face of rock songstress Cher in his slice of … READ MORE