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OBAMA CANCELS 2012 ELECTIONS


WASHINGTON – President Obama announced yesterday that he is canceling the 2012 elections, due to the jobs crisis.

In a speech delivered in Raleigh, North Carolina, President Obama made clear that there will be no new significant government measures to address the most severe jobs crisis since the Great Depression of the 1930s.

But he startled the crowd when he revealed his “one transformative idea”.  He told the crowd that he had a brilliant idea for reducing spending and for helping put Americans back to work.  He announced that he signed an Executive Order canceling this year’s midterm elections, scheduled for November 6th, 2012.

President Obama said in his speech that spending a millions of dollars on election campaigns is something that “Americans can’t afford. We need to put that money back into the economy.”  President Obama issued the Executive Order, effective immediately.  The President put a halt to all preparations being done for the November elections – on a local, state and federal levels.

“You don’t change horses in the middle of a raging stream,” said White House interim Chief of Staff Pete Rouse.  “The President feels that we need to keep the lawmakers we have in place, until his agenda is fully passed or the economy is turned around, whichever comes first.  If the elections were to go forward, the President is afraid that a new Congress will become gridlocked and he won’t be able to ram his agenda through.”

In his speech, Obama also trumpeted a plan for investment in infrastructure and transportation as a significant jobs program.  He said he would pay for the new  investment in transportation by taking all the money that the government would have spent on the midterm elections and putting that into union construction jobs.

“What’s the big deal?” said Bill Daley, Senior Advisor to the President. “There’s going to be elections in two years.  People can’t wait? We waste too much money on elections.”  Asked if the President would cancel the 2014 elections as well, Axelrod said, “That depends if the President can get the 22nd amendment repealed in the next two years.  If he can, then sure, he’ll let the elections go forward. Why not?”

Republicans were quick to denounce the Executive Order.  “He’s not a dictator, he can’t just cancel elections. This is an outrage,” said Senator John McCain.  But John McCain was seen laughing as he left the White House last night.  Some said Obama hugged a smiling McCain, then patted him on the butt.

Senator McCain’s campaign manager, Mark Buse, told WWN off the record (sorry Mark) that “Yeah, John’s happy that he gets to remain a Senator and he did make a back-room deal with Obama, but what am I going to do now?  I’m out of work.”    Lindsey Graham told Buse that he could “get a job on one of the new road projects Obama is setting up.  It’ll be good for you to work with your hands.”

So don’t worry about “rocking the vote” or “getting out the vote” or even just “voting” this November, 2012.   It’s canceled.  Come back in two years…