PIMA COUNTY, AZ – The U.S. Department of Interior has released a Chupacabra into Arizona in an attempt to get the State to repeal their new immigration law.
After the U.S. Justice Department filed suit Tuesday against Arizona, Secretary of the Interior, Ken Salazar had the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service release the Chupacabra or “goat sucker” into Saguaro National Park in Pima County. Salazar, acting on orders from President Obama, said, “We are encouraging Arizonans to repeal their immigration law before it goes into affect on July 29th, or we will be forced to release more Chupacabras into Arizona towns, cities and Home Depot parking lots.”
Upon learning of the release of the creature into her state, Arizona Governor Jan Brewer was defiant, “Bring it on! We’ve dealt with aliens, monsters and mutants in Arizona for the last fifty years – especially since Don Imus moved into the state. Arizonans don’t scare easy. The feds can send in a Bigfoot Army if they want, we will take them on. And we will win!”
White House Press Secretary, Robert Gibbs, told Wolf Blitzer at CNN, that the U.S. government will use “any means necessary” to get the people of Arizona to comply with U.S. Immigration laws. When Major Garrett of Fox News pointed out that Arizona seems to be in full compliance with existing federal immigration laws, Gibbs shouted “Chupacabra! Chupacabra! Chupacabra!”
There is a good deal of mystery surrounding the Chupacabra. Some believe the Chupacabra (much like Immigration Reform) is a myth – something that never has or never will exist. Some witnesses believe the Chupacabra to be a small half-alien, half-dinosaur, others think he is a tailless vampire with quills running down its back and still others believe him to be a panther like creature with a long snake-like tongue.
State authorities advise Arizona residents to avoid making any contact with the Chupacabra. Federal authorities, on the other hand, advise Arizonans to approach and pet the Chupacabra.
In related news, Governor Jan Brewer found a horse’s head in her bed when she returned home on Tuesday night. Authorities have not determined who placed the head in the Governor’s mansion, though one eyewitness said he saw White House Chief of Staff, Rahm Emanuel, riding a donkey nearby.