NEW YORK, NY – NHL commissioner Gary Bettman refuted claims today that hockey will not contract its league, despite current economic woes.
Sports
MILEY CYRUS A-ROD MOVIE?
BURBANK, CA – ESPN’s parent company, Walt Disney, is in discussions to create a made-for-TV movie about the rise and fall of Yankees slugger Alex Rodriguez.
BAILOUT PACKAGE NEGLECTS ATHLETES
NEW YORK, NY – Times are tough. The economy is tanking. And some sports leagues, teams, and stadiums have imposed a ticket price freeze.
JIM MORRISON ALIVE, FOR NCAA PLAYOFFS
BAKERSFIELD, CA – College students, on a thesis roadtrip of area meth labs, uncovered something unexpected.
ALEX RODRIGUEZ ADMITS STEROID USE
NEW YORK, NY – Alex Rodriguez has admitted to taking performance-enhancing drugs, and all the angels in the heavens above have wept as one.
ORTIZ FINALLY SCORES
BOSTON, MA – After striking out at the plate in Game 7 of the ALCS, slumping slugger David Ortiz finally scored off-the-field with Cynthia, the estranged wife of Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez.
MADONNA DIVORCE SHOCKER!
Exclusive information reveals that Alex Rodriguez, Yankees player and rumored lover of Madonna, is actually Madonna’s son!