OASIS, GA – With an ever worsening economic climate, millions are turning to recipes from the Great Depression to help save money.
Reginald Cunningham III
TATTOO BARBIE GETS DUMPED
MALIBU, CA – Shocking the world today, Barbie and Ken have split up. In a press conference, Ken said it’s because of the tattoos.
PENTHOUSE CLOSING
LOS ANGELES, CA – Penthouse is closing its doors for good and canceling its magazine. Free online pornography is believed to have dealt the deathblow to the publishing giant.
LIMBAUGH AND STEELE MUD WRESTLE
WASHINGTON, DC – At this year’s CPAC, Rush Limbaugh and Michael Steele attempted to settle their feud over Republican Party leadership with a mud wrestling match.
SIEGFRIED AND ROY MAKE CHER DISAPPEAR
LAS VEGAS, NV – Returning for a one night performance, magicians Siegfried and Roy took to the stage to dazzle audiences one last time. For their final illusion, they made longtime rival Cher disappear.
GWYNETH PALTROW DEFENDS GOOP
LONDON – Gwyneth Paltrow is responding to attacks on her website GOOP. Critics claim the site is self-indulgent and out of touch with common people’s needs.
BERNANKE’S RECESSION PREDICTION
WASHINGTON, DC – Bernanke finally admits how he predicted the end of the recession: Astrology!
OCTUPLET GRANDPA APPEARS ON OPRAH
CHICAGO, IL – Octuplet Grandpa Ed Doud appeared on Oprah this week to announce his new product line for parents of multiple children: Octo-tots. He claims to have created the line to help support his daughter and the growing number of parents like her.
MARDI GRAS BANS MUTANT
NEW ORLEANS, LA – After an altercation with police Monday night, the half-man half-alligator mutant Manigator has been banned from Tuesday’s Mardi Gras celebrations.
BRISTOL PALIN DISPROVES INTELLIGENT DESIGN
Bristol Palin held her first interview since giving birth Monday night with Greta Von Susteren. The 18 year old daughter of Alaska Governor Sarah Palin talked about her experience as a mother and her mother’s policies towards education.