WICHITA, KS – Former Miss Universe finalist Kelli McCarty has come under fire this week as news of her latest career move has riled some intergalactic feathers.
Carl Woodward
BEAST OF EXMOOR DISCOVERED
LONDON – After almost 30 years of terror, the carcass of the British Beast of Exmoor has washed ashore, with evidence the government can’t deny!
PORN BAILOUT SOLUTION
WASHINGTON, DC – In one stunning move, Congress solved two crises plaguing America – a need for additional federal employees and a sinking pornography industry.
COULTER OVERLOADS TODAY SHOW
NEW YORK, NY – NBC’s Today Show regretted re-booking right wing pundit, Ann Coulter, after the controversial writer went into overload on live television.
RICKY GERVAIS FATTY FEUD
LOS ANGELES, CA – Following a New Year’s telethon for pets in need, Tonya The World’s Fattest Cat had a falling out with co-host Ricky Gervais.
ALIEN ENERGY BURNS RICHARDSON
SANTA FE, NM – Ties to an alien energy company have resulted in Governor Bill Richardson removing his name for consideration as future Commerce Secretary.
CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON SPOTTED!
ST. BART – Several eyewitnesses have confirmed reports that the legendary Creature from the Black Lagoon is on the loose in St. Bart!
SELF-PARKING CAR SECRET
DETROIT, MI – After announcing new “self-parking” cars, reports have emerged about the source of the revolutionary technology – goblins!
PhD APE MEETS WITH SALTSMAN
MEMPHIS, TN – Ending the year on a high note, PhD Ape has announced he will meet with the man who distributed a racist song to RNC members.
BUSH PARDONS MANIGATOR
CRAWFORD, TX – Bush Administration officials have announced the latest recipient of a Presidential pardon.