BAT BOY NAILS COGNITIVE TEST!

PERSON, WOMAN, BAT, CAMERA, WINGS! President Trump challenged his competitors Joe Biden and Bat Boy to take a cognitive test. Since Donald Trump “aced” his test and identified an elephant in record time, he was confident that he would score higher than Biden and Bat Boy “combined.” Bat Boy quickly took the challenge. Dr. Marc … READ MORE

BAT BOY QUALIFIES FOR DEBATE!

He’s Ready to Rumble! Every Democratic debate has been slightly different, from the crowded stages late last year to the more recent, winnowed-down fields. The next one will be the most different yet, not just because former New York mayor Mike Bloomberg has qualified, but also because Bat Boy has. “That’s right,” said Bat Boy’s … READ MORE

STRONG FINISH FOR BAT BOY!

Time-Travel Mishap Can’t Derail Campaign! Bat Boy, whose 2020 candidacy picked up momentum last week with a surprise victory in the Iowa caucuses, had high hopes heading into this week’s New Hampshire primary.  “We felt confident that Bat Boy’s brand of uptempo populism would capture the imagination of the electorate,” said Ph.D. Ape, campaign manager.  … READ MORE

BAT BOY WINS IOWA!

Monday’s Iowa caucuses were expected to crown the first winners in the Democratic primary process. But instead fell apart amid a hail of high-tech glitches and organizational mishaps.  “There was no real winner,” said Nicholas Erdman, a political analyst for True News News. “Which meant that everyone is potentially a winner.” That was true for … READ MORE

BAT BOY PICKS BIGFOOT FOR RUNNING MATE!

ANCHORAGE, AL – Bat Boy has decided on his 2020 running mate. After careful consideration, he has chosen Bigfoot to join him in his independent run for The White House! Bat Boy/Bigfoot 2020! After weeks of discussions with some of today’s biggest political consultants -David Axelrod, Karl Rove, Steve Bannon, Van Jones and Bill Clinton … READ MORE