PERSON, WOMAN, BAT, CAMERA, WINGS! President Trump challenged his competitors Joe Biden and Bat Boy to take a cognitive test. Since Donald Trump “aced” his test and identified an elephant in record time, he was confident that he would score higher than Biden and Bat Boy “combined.” Bat Boy quickly took the challenge. Dr. Marc … READ MORE
BAT BOY 2020 CAMPAIGN READY TO TAKE ON TRUMP AND BIDEN! WASHINGTON, DC. – At a press conference at the Lincoln Memorial, Bat Boy announced that Bigfoot will be his 2020 Vice Presidential.running mate! Bat Boy had originally planned on selecting Bigfoot, but then Bigfoot went missing for several month. There was a lot of … READ MORE
RESUMES 2020 ELECTION CAMPAIGN! WASHINGTON DC – After a tense few days, the test results have finally come in. Bat Boy does NOT have coronavirus! Last week, Bat Boy was on Capitol Hill meeting with a number of Senators and members of Congress to discuss his plans to unify the country. Unfortunately, Bat Boy spent … READ MORE
NASHVILLE, TN – Taylor Swift was reportedly knitting booties while in quarantine. Sources close to her tell Weekly World News, that she may be the one expecting a baby. And rumors are that Bat Boy may be the father! Last October, Bat Boy was being chased by the FBI once again – trying to get … READ MORE
ARE WING VOTERS SWING VOTERS? Bats are not allowed to vote. Yet. But if Bat Boy gets his way, we may soon see a change in the nation’s election policies. Campaigning in South Carolina this week in advance of the state’s upcoming primary, Bat Boy announced his desire to explore expanding the vote to include … READ MORE
He’s Ready to Rumble! Every Democratic debate has been slightly different, from the crowded stages late last year to the more recent, winnowed-down fields. The next one will be the most different yet, not just because former New York mayor Mike Bloomberg has qualified, but also because Bat Boy has. “That’s right,” said Bat Boy’s … READ MORE
Time-Travel Mishap Can’t Derail Campaign! Bat Boy, whose 2020 candidacy picked up momentum last week with a surprise victory in the Iowa caucuses, had high hopes heading into this week’s New Hampshire primary. “We felt confident that Bat Boy’s brand of uptempo populism would capture the imagination of the electorate,” said Ph.D. Ape, campaign manager. … READ MORE
Monday’s Iowa caucuses were expected to crown the first winners in the Democratic primary process. But instead fell apart amid a hail of high-tech glitches and organizational mishaps. “There was no real winner,” said Nicholas Erdman, a political analyst for True News News. “Which meant that everyone is potentially a winner.” That was true for … READ MORE
CAN HE SAVE AMERICA? AMES, IA – Bat Boy was on the stump in Iowa the past few days. Today he drew a cheering crowd of over 10,000 to Iowa State University. As usual, he made his campaign speech with the assistance of his “bat interpreter”. “He doesn’t speak but I can tell that he … READ MORE
ANCHORAGE, AL – Bat Boy has decided on his 2020 running mate. After careful consideration, he has chosen Bigfoot to join him in his independent run for The White House! Bat Boy/Bigfoot 2020! After weeks of discussions with some of today’s biggest political consultants -David Axelrod, Karl Rove, Steve Bannon, Van Jones and Bill Clinton … READ MORE