President Trump challenged his competitors Joe Biden and Bat Boy to take a cognitive test. Since Donald Trump “aced” his test and identified an elephant in record time, he was confident that he would score higher than Biden and Bat Boy “combined.”

Bat Boy quickly took the challenge. Dr. Marc Siegel, who administered the cognitive test to Donald Trump agreed to administer the test to Bat Boy.

Bat Boy can not speak, but Dr. Siegel agree to allow an “non-partisan” interpreter to relay Bat Boy’s answers to Dr. Siegel. “It’s unusual to give a cognitive test through an interpreter but in this case it’s appropriate,” Dr. Siegel told Weekly World News. “The public has a right to know that Bat Boy is cognitively ready to assume the highest office in the land.

Dr. Siegel came to Bat Boy’s summer retreat above his cave in West Virginia. Bat Boy was not nervous at all about taking the test and was eager to show how “smart” he was.

“Bat Boy knows that he is the smartest candidate in the race,” Bat Boy spokesman, John Malley, told Weekly World News. “He is the youngest in the race and knows he can run circles about both Biden and Trump.”

Dr. Siegel began the test by asking Bat Boy to identify a camel and a rhinoceros. Bat Boy screeched and quickly pointed out the camel and rhino – and declared that he is close friends with a camel, so there was no way he would get it wrong. Bat Boy went on to identify the correct time on a clock, he was able to subtract 7 from 100, all the way down and he remembered the phrase: person, woman, bat, camera, wings.


Bat Boy finished the entire test in 51 seconds. “That was the fastest anyone has completed the test in my thirty years in practice,” Dr. Siegel said. Bat Boy scored a 30 out of 30 and he got an extra credit for quickly rattling off (through his interpreter) all 45 Presidents of the United States – in order.

“It blew us all away,” Dr. Siegel said.

Bat Boy jumped up and down in celebration. He’s Vice Presidential running mate, Bigfoot, came over and the two candidates felt energized, ready to take on the President and Joe Biden.

“They are confident they will win, and win by a lot,” Malley told Weekly World News. “The only issue they have is that the major news outlets are trying to suppress his campaign. That will change.”

Luckily, Weekly World news has two reporters embedded in the Bat Boy campaign. We will be reporting on all their activities and progress right up to the election.

(Visited 74 times, 1 visits today)


Leave a Comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.