BOSTON, MA – Starting tomorrow, the malicious computer worm Conficker.c will turn computers into zombies. Will one of them be yours?
PHANTOM ALERT
BALTIMORE, MD – A new GPS software program is being offered, which alerts any car driver to the presence of nearby Phantoms of the Opera.
MISSING WOMAN LAY DEAD IN HOME FOR 7 YEARS
OAKLAND, CA – An elderly woman who had been missing for seven years was found dead in her own home!
PHISH RED ROCKS TICKETS DISASTER
HOLLYWOOD, CA – Jam band Phish has reunited for a heavily anticipated 2009 tour. But fans are outraged after Ticketmaster made a mistake with ticket sales.
FATE OF TITANIC’S TREASURES
NORFOLK, VA – A federal judge is attempting to preserve the largest collection of artifacts excavated from the Titanic remains, and one key person is on her side.
HEAVY METAL MONK
MILAN – The Italian heavy metal band “Fratello Metallo” has a real shocker – their singer is a monk!
TAX DAY TEA PARTY
MOBILE, AL – On April 15th, patriots will meet all over this nation to celebrate Tax Day by staging massive tea parties. The tea of choice on the menu – money!
NEW CHEERLEADER SUSPECTED DOUBLE AGENT
CLEVELAND, OH – Teammates are becoming suspicious that recently acquired cheerleader Stephanie Peters is in fact an undercover operative from a rival high school.
WHITE CASTLE WEDDING
LONDON, OH – An Ohio couple was married at a White Castle. The young groom said, “This is the proudest moment of my life.”
PHYSICIST PROPOSES WITH NUCLEAR BOMB TEST
FIJI – Physicist Matthew Bowen reports that, following the successful detonation of nuclear payload G-417, girlfriend Julie Belcourt is now his fiancée.