LOS ANGELES – Heidi Klum split from Seal and within a day she has a new beau: Bat Boy!
U.S. OPENS ALIEN DEFENSE HEADQUARTERS
DAVENPORT, WA – The U.S. has opened an alien defense command center to protect America from the Gootans.
STARBUCKS TO SERVE ALCOHOL
SEATTLE — Starbucks will begin serving alcohol – beer, wine and hard liquor – in two months.
SENATOR RAND PAUL ARRESTED!
Kentucky Republican Sen. Rand Paul has reportedly been arrested by the Transportation Security Administration.
GIRL EATEN BY CROCODILE
MAUMERE, Indonesia — A crocodile swallowed a girl in Indonesia as her father looked on helplessly.
SONIC BOOM OVER GRIMSBY
GRIMSBY, U.K. – The Royal Air Force says none of its planes were responsible for the “sonic boom.” So what was it?
NEW YORK ACCENT DYING OUT!
The traditional New York accent – where residents pronounce coffee “cawfee” etc. – will be gone by 2015 scholars claim.
ALIEN CAMERAS INSTALLED IN U.S. CITIES
CHICAGO – To prepare for the coming alien attack, all major U.S. cities have installed special infrared cameras to help detect the aliens.