WASHINGTON – JFK’s eternal flame is going green!
Carl Woodward
JETS DEFEAT
PITTSBURGH – Rex Ryan and the NY Jets lost to the Pittsburgh Steelers, but Rex had a “very special night” with his wife.
9,400-YEAR-OLD MUTT
PORTLAND, Maine – Researchers have discovered a dog that is 9,400-years-old. Dogs were pets – and meals.
GOLDMAN PARTNER INJURED IN TRADING ACCIDENT
WWN FINANCIAL NEWS –Â A Goldman Sachs Group partner was hospitalized in a bizarre trading accident.
JON AND KATE PLUS APE
WERNERSVILLE, PA – As the media attention grows surrounding allegations of infidelity, Jon and Kate Gosselin have asked for professional help from PhD Ape!
TERROR WATCH LIST INCLUDES BAT BOY
WASHINGTON, DC – The Department of Justice has concluded that the FBI’s “Terror Watch List” has more than 24,000 Americans, including Bat Boy, incorrectly included.
REPUBLICANS UNCOVER SWINE FLU CONSPIRACY
WASHINGTON, DC – The growing threat of global pandemic resulting from Swine Flu has health organizations worldwide searching for an origin.
ARLEN SPECTER SWITCHES PARTIES
WASHINGTON, DC – The Hill was shocked as Pennsylvania’s senior Senator, Republican Arlen Specter, announced he was switching parties – because of the babes!