GIMME BACK MY GRUMPY MAILMAN OR HAND ME MY 12-GAUGE! I’m so fired up I just chewed through a tin can and spit out a harmonica solo! The United States Postal Service – you know, the outfit that’s been losing money since the Pony Express filed for bankruptcy. Now they want to deliver your birthday … READ MORE
Folks, this is Ed Anger here, pig-biting mad as a New Year’s Eve hangover in a dry county! Every January 1st, like clockwork, these whiny, yoga-pants-wearing, kale-munching wimps crawl out of their overpriced apartments and start blabbering about “New Year Resolutions.” Lose weight! Exercise more! Read books! Quit smoking! Save money! Be kinder to Mother … READ MORE
Folks, I’m madder than a hornet stuffed in Santa’s pants, madder than a vegan at an all-you-can-eat rib joint, madder than Hillary Clinton finding out the election was fair! I’m so dang furious I could chew tinsel and spit out razor wire! Christmas shopping used to be wholesome American fun – like a Norman Rockwell … READ MORE
(That’s right, it’s me, your favorite red-faced ranter from the holler, spittin’ mad as a wet hen in a hailstorm. Weekly World News don’t pay me enough to put up with this hogwash, but somebody’s gotta say it!) Listen up, you pencil-necked, latte-sippin bureaucrats and their soy-boy sidekicks in Congress! Another government shutdown? AGAIN? What … READ MORE
That’s me, darlings! Still kickin’ from my underground bunker in Florida, sippin’ on moonshine spiked with AI regret. Weekly World News ain’t dead – it’s just hidin’ from the fact-checkers! Send your screams to editor@weeklyworldnews.com, or I’ll assume you’re a lizard person and eat your mail. Folks, 2025’s got us by the short hairs! Unemployment’s … READ MORE
(And if you don’t like it, go hug a liberal pumpkin, you snowflake!) Listen up, you candy-hoarding, fog-machine-fondling freaks of the night! It’s October 31, 2025, and here I am, hunkered down in my bunker with a shotgun loaded with rock salt and a bowl of plain old Hershey bars . The kind of bars … READ MORE
What in tarnation has happened to America? Back in my day, college sports were about amateur glory, school spirit. And maybe a free education if you didn’t flunk out. Now, thanks to this cockamamie House v. NCAA settlement that’s got schools shelling out billions, these overgrown kids are raking in cash hand over fist! A … READ MORE
I’m madder than a bobcat with a burr in its butt about this whole renaming hooey with the Department of Defense! You heard right, folks—they’re finally calling it what it is: the Department of War! About darn time! For years, I’ve been screaming from the rooftops that we need to stop pussyfooting around with these … READ MORE
Folks, this is Ed Anger here, and I’m so steamed up I could fry an egg on my forehead. Or better yet, roast a weenie over the flames of my fury! For years, we’ve let these long-haired, America-hating weirdos run around torching Old Glory like it’s some kinda backyard barbecue prop for their tofu skewers. … READ MORE
Folks, I’m so steamed I could boil a bald eagle’s bathwater! This week, some fancy-pants chess whiz named Magnus Carlsen—who sounds like he oughta be selling Swedish meatballs—beat another brainiac, Hikaru Nakamura, in some hoity-toity “Esports World Cup” chess match. And get this: they didn’t even touch a real chessboard! Nope, these eggheads were clicking … READ MORE