Let’s see who’s the reason we can’t have nice things this week… THE 90’s NEVER DIE, WHATEVER Dear Dotti, I’m sure reality split circa 1994 so I refuse to engage post Reality Bites. My friends thought this was fire until I made them stop saying fire and now, they say I’m mid. How do I … READ MORE
In an unexpected move, the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia has reportedly approached late-90s rock legends Smash Mouth to compose a fresh version of the national anthem, hoping to infuse it with what officials are calling “unstoppable stadium energy.” A Bold Move for a Bold Nation Saudi cultural representatives stated that the kingdom is looking to … READ MORE
Hello, all you put-upons and sit-upons, time for another public correction. editor@weeklyworldnews.com for your inquiries, if you dare. MY FRIENDS HATE MY BOYFRIEND JUST BECAUSE HE’S DAMNED! Dear Dotti, My friends are being SO weird about my new guy. He’s really tall. His looks are fire and he has the deepest voice I’ve ever heard. … READ MORE
GIMME BACK MY GRUMPY MAILMAN OR HAND ME MY 12-GAUGE! I’m so fired up I just chewed through a tin can and spit out a harmonica solo! The United States Postal Service – you know, the outfit that’s been losing money since the Pony Express filed for bankruptcy. Now they want to deliver your birthday … READ MORE
Let’s find out who’s causing trouble and who’s asking for it. Write me at editor@worldweeklynews.com if you dare. GOOD BIRD BREAKS BAD! Dear Dotti, We make our living taking our performing parrot, McMuffin, to parties and petting zoos. He does tricks and says over a hundred words, that is, until my neighbors rented their ADU … READ MORE
I’m madder than a bobcat with a burr in its butt about this whole renaming hooey with the Department of Defense! You heard right, folks—they’re finally calling it what it is: the Department of War! About darn time! For years, I’ve been screaming from the rooftops that we need to stop pussyfooting around with these … READ MORE
A Shocking Discovery in an Unlikely Place Archaeologists in Greece were left speechless this week after an ancient woman—estimated to be over 2,000 years old—was discovered inside a discarded garbage bag. The bizarre find has stunned experts and left locals questioning how an artifact of such historical significance ended up treated like an empty yogurt … READ MORE
Folks, I’m madder than a hornet stuffed in Santa’s pants, madder than a vegan at an all-you-can-eat rib joint, madder than Hillary Clinton finding out the election was fair! I’m so dang furious I could chew tinsel and spit out razor wire! Christmas shopping used to be wholesome American fun – like a Norman Rockwell … READ MORE
Let’s find out who’s the victim and who’s the problem. Send your twisted tales to editor@worldweeklynews.com, and I’ll straighten you out. Mabyel-By-Mailboy Dear Dotti, Because our addresses are nearly identical, I get the town spinster’s mail: coffin brochures, catalogs for compression socks, and nice cards from her nephews. Those go right in the trash. Last week, an … READ MORE
Let’s find out who needs a prayer and who needs a clue. Send your twisted tales to editor@worldweeklynew.com and I’ll straighten you right out. Big Dumb Eyes on the Sun Dear Dotti, My dorm roommate is doing a stare-at-the-sun social media challenge and now he’s bumping into walls and keeps asking if I got my … READ MORE