NASHVILLE, TN – Sarah Palin caught cheating at the keynote address at the Tea Party convention. Incident will go on her permanent record.

BURBANK, CA – Taylor Swift and her Label have been working overtime defending her lackluster performance at the Grammys.

WASHINGTON, DC – Scott Brown will be sworn in today, ahead of schedule. CSPAN is expecting the sexiest Senate inauguration ever!

WASHINGTON D.C. – According to a new poll a majority of the GOP thinks that President Obama is a racist, socialist, and non-US citizen. Their other beliefs will shock you!

SEASIDE HEIGHTS, NJ – Jersey Shore is being brought back for a second season. The Pope declares Snooki Polizzi the Patron Saint of the Jersey Shoreline.

WASHINGTON, DC – The Pentagon is lifting a ban on letting gays serve openly in the military. Government officials have developed several plans for an “All Gay Fighting Force.”

CHARLESTON, WV – American Idol brought on a new celebrity guest judge: Bat Boy!

WASHINGTON, DC – President Obama delivered his State of the Union address last night. To make sure his message went across, he used mind control techniques.

NEW ORLEANS, LA – Conservative icon James O’Keefe was arrested while trying to tap a Democrat Senator’s phone.

LOS ANGELES, CA – Rumors are circulating about Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt nearly splitting up. The argument stemmed from Jolie wanting to adopt Bat Boy!