SEATTLE, WA – Secretaries have begun rioting near Starbucks’ headquarters after news spread that decaf coffee would no longer be brewed after noon.
PETA RESHOOTS SUPERBOWL AD
NORFOLK, VA – After being rejected by NBC for risque content, PETA has reshot their TV ad in a bid to nab a Superbowl slot.
BANKRUPT ICELAND TURNS TO OLD GODS
REYKJAVIK, ICELAND – After the shattering of their economy and resignation of the Prime Minister, Iceland has turned to their old Norse gods for help.
JOHN THAIN’S $87,000 RUG
NEW YORK, NY – Merrill Lynch’s CEO John Thain is leaving the firm, amid furor over his purchase of a yeti skin rug with company funds.
CHIRAC BITTEN BY DEPRESSED POODLE
PARIS – Former French president Jacques Chirac was rushed to the hospital this week after being attacked by his white Maltese poodle, Sumo.
ABE WAS A BABE
LEXINGTON, KY – Despite repeated comparisons, Abraham Lincoln was more different from Barack Obama than you ever could have imagined.
BEST JOB IN THE WORLD’S DARK SECRET
SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA – Australia has been advertising a coveted island caretaker position, but applicants don’t know about one very important job responsibility.
35 YEAR OLD MAN’S VIRGINITY AUCTION
CALIFON, NJ – In the wake of a recent successful auction, one middle-aged virgin wants to be the first man to sell his first time!
UPDATE: STEVE JOBS STEPPING DOWN
UPDATE: Steve Jobs has just announced he will be taking a leave of absence – in order to complete his gender re-assignment!