“I can’t seem to compete, anymore,” killer sighs Lars Oldstire, better known as “The Merciless Chainsaw Killer,” has decided to hang up the saw. The hulking 56-year-old Oldstire, who’s been slicing and dicing victims since he was sixteen years old, says there’s no place for a dignified serial killer in today’s belligerent society. “It’s been … READ MORE
Exciting Action and a Few Surprises! This past weekend saw traditional powerhouses consolidating their gains, as the Runtern Arrows downed the Mecklenburg Silhouettes 4 (O) – 4 (P) and the Stone Hill Stoners took care of the Salt Peak Sultans 10 (A) – 5 (A). Only the match between the Kendall Kings and the Dillard … READ MORE
New ape species discovered in Colorado. LAKE COUNTY, CO – After hiking to the summit of Mount Elbert, zoologist Jeff Sanders knew his career was made when he saw a very unusual primate overturning large stones, looking for grubs to eat. “The creature was about three feet tall,” said Sanders. “It had a humanoid face … READ MORE
He’s Ready to Rumble! Every Democratic debate has been slightly different, from the crowded stages late last year to the more recent, winnowed-down fields. The next one will be the most different yet, not just because former New York mayor Mike Bloomberg has qualified, but also because Bat Boy has. “That’s right,” said Bat Boy’s … READ MORE
…and the sushi chefs came over from Japan! Startling new research reveals that Jesus and his disciples feasted on sushi at the Last Supper – and it was made on the spot by top Japanese sushi chefs. And while the majority of the sushi was spicy salmon rolls, tuna rolls. and California rolls, archaeologist Dr. … READ MORE
DIVORCE COURT IS STYMIED! World-renowned ventriloquist Dayton Feathers and his wisecracking dummy, Missie, seem to be heading for a split. And it’s making the Las Vegas Divorce Court somewhat unhinged. “Seriously,” said a court spokesman, “how does this even work? We’re talking about a sixty-year-old man and a piece of wood. Okay, I’ll admit Missie … READ MORE
History can be a funny business!!! As America moves toward the 2020 election, the country will see if there will be a 46th president or if the 45th — Donald J. Trump, in case you have forgotten — will earn a second term. But a recent discovery by historians has cast doubt on the numbering. Archivists … READ MORE
THE CELEBRITY COUPLE WAS SEEN IN MALIBU ON VALENTINE’S DAY! HOLLYWOOD, CA – Publicists for Miley Cyrus confirmed to Weekly World News that she is now dating Bigfoot. The wild man of the woods, however, is not making any comments about his new relationship. Since Miley Cyrus broke up with Liam Hemsworth, she has been … READ MORE
Is the cold-blooded legend ready to warm up? After years slinking out of the swamps and bayous and terrifying unsuspecting Americans, Manigator is trying something different these days: he’s looking for love. “I got sick of being a figure of fear,” he said. “It gets tiring and worse, it gets lonely. This year, on New … READ MORE
Donald Trump, Jr. upset! “Little Bitey Things Were Everywhere!” The much-heralded “Africa In Texas” private hunt has been called off. The Moreau Ranch, a 30,000-acre spread near Houston, cited “an infestation of a foreign species” as the reason. The “safari” leaders, brothers Don and Ron Bratz, the twin sons of American slumlord king Ichabod (“Icky”) … READ MORE