Astronomers announce a major discovery that will change how we all view the universe! SAN DIEGO, CA – Astronomers from California Institute of Technology working at the powerful Palomar Observatory have made a major discovery. It finally puts to bed the theory that the Earth is flat – at all times. The truth is that … READ MORE
ANCHORAGE, AL – Bat Boy has decided on his 2020 running mate. After careful consideration, he has chosen Bigfoot to join him in his independent run for The White House! Bat Boy/Bigfoot 2020! After weeks of discussions with some of today’s biggest political consultants -David Axelrod, Karl Rove, Steve Bannon, Van Jones and Bill Clinton … READ MORE
They’ve had enough with boomers and the way they have ruined everything for the generations that follow them. In another effort to simplify life, millennials have decided that Thanksgiving is another tradition that has to go! There has been a serious conflict between the generations ever since the Stone Age, but nothing like the clash … READ MORE
President caught in Thanksgiving quid pro quo This afternoon, Pilgrim, a 38-pound turkey from northern Virginia pardoned President Donald Trump in an act of kindness, compassion, and charity for Thanksgiving. Pilgrim is a leader among turkeys at Gobbler’s Rest in Blacksburg, Virginia. On Friday he held a press conference. Pilgrim told reporters (though his turkey … READ MORE
CHICAGO, IL – Geologists are stunned that a geyser has been erupting in Chicago over the last two weeks. At first, many Chicagoans believed that it was a steam pipe that burst, but authorities confirm it is a natural fountain that shoots boiling hot water into the air. The Chicago geyser is not as faithful … READ MORE
SANDOUPING, CHINA – Seven alien spaceships from Planet Gootan landed in this town near the Yangtze River in China. Citizens of Sandouping have seen UFO activity before, but there has never been a reported landing of alien spaceships. Chinese authorities have confirmed to Weekly World News that seven spaceships landed near the Three Gorges Dam … READ MORE
Subpoenaed by Congress. The only being who can tell the truth! Intelligence Committee Chairman Adam Schiff shocked many in Washington by subpoenaing Ph.D. Ape to testify to Congress with regard to the impeachment of President Trump. There has been a great deal of confusion and controversy surrounding the impeachment inquiry that was launched in the … READ MORE
They flipped for each other! TAMPA, FL – 28-year-old Susan Wright, a veteran dolphin trainer at Ocean Realm, recently requested two weeks off to go on her honeymoon. A discerning dater, Susan met her husband while working together at the world-famous marine park. “I’ve never been so happy,” said Wright. “I was always worried I’d … READ MORE
KINDERDIJK, THE NETHERLANDS – For eight hours yesterday, the citizens of this small Dutch town lost gravity. Terrified citizens were floating above the town for hours! Hamish Bjorn, a one-time NASA astronaut, is in Kinderjik studying this bizarre occurrence. Scientists are baffled by this sudden absence of gravity. The event caused panic and fear in … READ MORE
WASHINGTON, DC – The United States Congress and The President of the United States have finally agreed on one thing – Ph.D. Ape is the only one who can bring the country together during the Impeachment crisis. This week the House of Representatives voted to officially authorize an impeachment inquiry. The Democrats in the House … READ MORE