“HE’LL NEVER GIVE ME A STRAIGHT ANSWER,” SAYS WIFE. According to Missy Smith of Failedview, Georgia, her husband Bruce had lost his personality to a very powerful Magic 8 Ball. “Bruce was always one of those guys who’d scream at the TV news, as well as a guy who’d cling to his childhood toys when … READ MORE
RESIDENTS FEAR FOR THE LIFE OF THEIR GIANT! Citizens of the Jolly Green Valley in Minnesota woke up to find a gigantic green foot floating in the Jolly Green River, severed at the ankle. It took five tow trucks to haul it to shore. “Dead weight,” the Police Chief of Jolly Green Valley sighed. Residents … READ MORE
“AFTER I BRANDED MY KID SISTER, MY PARENTS SUSPECTED SOMETHING WAS WRONG,” SAYS THE BEAUTY. In the 1800s, there was a figure in the Wild West that produced both shudders and smiles when talked about. His name was “Wild” Willie Feener. While fellow outlaws Jessie James, The Younger Brothers and Sam Bass seemed to court … READ MORE
“I WAS HOPING FOR POWER TOOLS,” SAYS DISAPPOINTED HUBBY When word leaked out that a woman had given birth to a spatula, Weekly World News was on the scene. In the sleepy, rural town of Balloon Falls, Pennsylvania, history had just been made…or not. Arriving in the waiting room, WWN talked to the head surgeon, … READ MORE
“I ATE A LOT OF BEANS SO I COULD SHOW MY TRUE PATRIOTISM,” SAYS LOCAL ORGANIZER. With the pandemic rearing its ugly head, more and more towns cancelled their 4th of July fireworks displays. It was a healthy, responsible thing to do. But, more and more small towns, like Wynott, South Dakota, found a way … READ MORE
“I’VE NEVER SEEN A HOUSE ACTUALLY SPRINT,” SAYS POLICE CHIEF When Weekly World News was contacted by world-famous “Ghost Destroyer” Hans Von Booten about a possessed house about to be exorcised by the maverick exorcist priest, Father Jules Crusher, we knew we had to be there. When Weekly World News arrived, we were greeted by … READ MORE
“HE’S STILL OUR SON,” DECLARES FATHER. “WE JUST HAVE TO WATCH THE TUSKS.” “SOY MILK TURNS BOY INTO WARTHOG,” read the headlines of the North Tummler Times. Intrigued, Weekly World News did some research and, then, departed for the town of North Tummler. We arrived at the Hartlynd home, accompanied by police chief Mark Downe. … READ MORE
AND THEY BOTH ACCEPT! Weekly World News has learned that Republican Texas Senator Ted Cruz has been engaged in a Twitter war with The Incredible Hulk. Apparently, the whole kerfuffle began in the wake of President Donald Trump’s crash and burn in Tulsa, when The Hulk tweeted. “Him white dopey.” For reasons known only to … READ MORE
“THANK GOD I HAD THAT THIRD BURRITO,” HE EXPLAINS When a black van roared up to Vincent Gardini’s vintage woody wagon in Los Angeles’ Diamond District, forcing him onto the sidewalk, Gardini was shocked. “I was shocked,” he recalls. When two masked passengers leaped out of the van, training their semi-automatic weapons on Gardini, pulling … READ MORE
“YOU’RE AFRAID TO OPEN THE MAIL BOX BECAUSE OF THE CONFETTI BOMBS,” SAYS MAYOR Just about a month ago, the small burg of Fernwood, California noticed the arrival of two-dozen clowns in its streets. “It was hard not to notice them,” says Mayor Clint Yumpin. “I mean, they’re clowns. Red noses. Face paint. Colorful gear. … READ MORE