MAN POSSESSED BY MAGIC 8 BALL!

“HE’LL NEVER GIVE ME A STRAIGHT ANSWER,” SAYS WIFE. According to Missy Smith of Failedview, Georgia, her husband Bruce had lost his personality to a very powerful Magic 8 Ball. “Bruce was always one of those guys who’d scream at the TV news, as well as a guy who’d cling to his childhood toys when … READ MORE

GIANT GREEN FOOT FOUND IN JOLLY GREEN VALLEY RIVER!

RESIDENTS FEAR FOR THE LIFE OF THEIR GIANT! Citizens of the Jolly Green Valley in Minnesota woke up to find a gigantic green foot floating in the Jolly Green River, severed at the ankle. It took five tow trucks to haul it to shore. “Dead weight,” the Police Chief of Jolly Green Valley sighed. Residents … READ MORE

GUNSLINGER REINCARNATED AS STRIPPER!

“AFTER I BRANDED MY KID SISTER, MY PARENTS SUSPECTED SOMETHING WAS WRONG,” SAYS THE BEAUTY. In the 1800s, there was a figure in the Wild West that produced both shudders and smiles when talked about. His name was “Wild” Willie Feener. While fellow outlaws Jessie James, The Younger Brothers and Sam Bass seemed to court … READ MORE

WOMAN GIVES BIRTH TO SPATULA!

“I WAS HOPING FOR POWER TOOLS,” SAYS DISAPPOINTED HUBBY When word leaked out that a woman had given birth to a spatula, Weekly World News was on the scene. In the sleepy, rural town of Balloon Falls, Pennsylvania, history had just been made…or not. Arriving in the waiting room, WWN talked to the head surgeon, … READ MORE

POSSESSED HOME FLEES EXORCIST!

“I’VE NEVER SEEN A HOUSE ACTUALLY SPRINT,” SAYS POLICE CHIEF When Weekly World News was contacted by world-famous “Ghost Destroyer” Hans Von Booten about a possessed house about to be exorcised by the maverick exorcist priest, Father Jules Crusher, we knew we had to be there. When Weekly World News arrived, we were greeted by … READ MORE

SOY MILK TURNS BOY INTO WARTHOG!

“HE’S STILL OUR SON,” DECLARES FATHER. “WE JUST HAVE TO WATCH THE TUSKS.” “SOY MILK TURNS BOY INTO WARTHOG,” read the headlines of the North Tummler Times. Intrigued, Weekly World News did some research and, then, departed for the town of North Tummler. We arrived at the Hartlynd home, accompanied by police chief Mark Downe. … READ MORE

FLATULENCE SAVES MAN FROM KIDNAPPERS!

“THANK GOD I HAD THAT THIRD BURRITO,” HE EXPLAINS When a black van roared up to Vincent Gardini’s vintage woody wagon in Los Angeles’ Diamond District, forcing him onto the sidewalk, Gardini was shocked. “I was shocked,” he recalls. When two masked passengers leaped out of the van, training their semi-automatic weapons on Gardini, pulling … READ MORE

MYSTERIOUS CLOWNS TERRIFY TOWN

“YOU’RE AFRAID TO OPEN THE MAIL BOX BECAUSE OF THE CONFETTI BOMBS,” SAYS MAYOR Just about a month ago, the small burg of Fernwood, California noticed the arrival of two-dozen clowns in its streets. “It was hard not to notice them,” says Mayor Clint Yumpin. “I mean, they’re clowns. Red noses. Face paint. Colorful gear. … READ MORE