AMERICA’S OLDEST OUTLAW PACK NOW HISTORY The leader of Werewolves On Wheels, America’s oldest outlaw biker gang, sits outside a bowling alley in Barstool, California and sighs. His name is Lonny Talbot and he’s joined by three of his pack members, Fielding, Buckshot and Mel. “It’s hard to let go of it all,” says Lonny. … READ MORE
“WHY SHOULD GODZILLA MAKE ALL THE MONEY?” Scotland’s Loch Ness is most famous for its legendary and very reclusive monster. But all that is about to change. Nessie has signed a three-picture deal with Disney. Rising up out of the murky Loch waters, Nessie faces the official WWN dinghy, accompanied by her lawyer in another … READ MORE
“THEY’RE EVEN MORE ACCURATE!” SAYS DISCOVERER EDITOR’S NOTE: Like all major publications, Weekly World News receives many unsolicited letters, ransom demands and badly photo-shopped pictures of celebrities engaging in bestiality. About a year ago, WWN received a badly typed booklet purportedly containing the prophecies of Nostradamus’ younger brother, Bob. The man who sent the letter, … READ MORE
“THE LINE WILL BE SAFE, AFFORDABLE AND FRISKY,” SAYS DESIGNER. Internationally acclaimed haute couture fashion designer Prince Jean-Pierre Finkelè of the award winning Maison de merde group is planning a new, affordable line of fashions that will be stylish but also effective in the fight against the Covid-19 virus. “There’s no way to avoid that … READ MORE
FREED ANIMAL THEN ATTACKS DERMATOLOGIST! Like many Americans, Alfonse Falanga has tried his best to deal with the pandemic. Says the California man; “I’m a private tutor, so when the schools closed I was able to transition to virtual teaching pretty easily. Then, everything went haywire. “A lump formed on my forehead and it itched … READ MORE
“WE ARE SO SCREWED,” SAYS THE MAYOR The town of Slackjaw, South Dakota has seen its share of hard times. It’s been pummeled by summer thunderstorms, has skirted swarms of tornadoes and has faced winter blizzards. But when a sinkhole opened on Main Street, sucking up six cars and the local farmer’s market, the town … READ MORE
“I WANTED TO CHANGE MY LIFE BUT…PIXIES? SERIOUSLY?” HE SAYS By all accounts, until recently, Bill “Bluto” Kenny was a horrible man. “I was the ‘go to’ bouncer for all the expensive parties and hi-profile clubs in New York,” he says. “And I was good at my job. It’s second nature to me. I’ve been … READ MORE
“UNLIKE MOST MEN, HE LISTENS WHEN I TALK.” After being kicked in the head by a horse at the age of nine, Lucy Grimsley saw the world in a different way. “I was cross-eyed for two years,” she says. “It was as if I was living in a funhouse world. Everything was distorted. My parents … READ MORE
“THIS TOWN SUCKS,” SAYS LEAD VAMP. “NO PUN INTENDED.” For decades, the Los Angeles chapter of the International Union of Blood-Suckers has been one of the biggest in the world. But all that is to end in August, according to the chapter’s leader. “This town sucks,” he says. “No pun intended.” The vampire has agreed … READ MORE
“WE HAVE TO PRESERVE OUR FOOD SOURCE!” DECLARES GRIZZLY “It really is an environmental first,” says Gus Grizzly, the President of the American Bears Association. “It’s the first time that Grizzlies and our Brown Bear brethren and our Black Bear friends have come together on anything. Usually, we’re all snarling at each other over a … READ MORE