WASHINGTON, DC – Nancy Pelosi went on all the news shows to make a proclamation: the world will end on August 2nd!
“What we’re trying to do is save the world from the Republican budget. We’re trying to save life on this planet as we know it today.”
Nancy Pelosi is convinced that there will NOT be an agreement on raising the debt ceiling by Tuesday.
“This will call the U.S. to default and the world financial markets will collapse,” Pelosi said. “That will leave to a total collapse of everything we have ever known.” Pelosi predicted that the markets collapsing will then cause the riots and revolutions and… then there will be volcanoes, earthquakes, “and the earth’s core will explode.”
Pelosi said the earth will explode into a “gazillion pieces” by midnight on Tuesday. “If we do not raise the debt ceiling – life will end, the earth and the universe will cease to exist.”
Pelosi is also predicting an extremely painful – but quick – death for every individual on the planet.
“If the debt ceiling isn’t raised, most people will experience horrific pains in their brains and hearts. These pains will grow in intensity until the brain and heart explode. The explosion will hurt even more. We must raise the debt celing.”
Who does Pelosi blame for the end of the world and the death of every citizen of earth?
The Tea Party.
“The Tea Party has ruined the world. When the history of the universe is written, the Tea Party will be the villains that caused the world as we know it to end. The Tea Party, collectively, is Satan.
Pelosi ended her press conference by saying, “have a nice day.”