LIMA – Rabid vampire bats are swarming over Lima!
vampires
KRISTEN STEWART IS TOTALLY TEAM ALIEN
Bella may prefer Edward to Jacob, but when it comes to Kristen Stewart, she’s Team Alien all the way.
VAMPIRE SKULL FOUND
VENICE – An archaeologist excavating mass graves of plague victims in Venice has discovered the skull of an alleged vampire!
SOPHIA LOREN UNDEAD?
LOS ANGELES, CA – Sophia Loren was summoned to present at the 81st Academy Awards last night, but many of the younger actresses were warned to stay away.
KATE BECKINSALE STUCK AS ZOMBIE
LOS ANGELES, CA – Horror movie actress Kate Beckinsale applied zombie make-up to her face six weeks ago and hasn’t been able to remove it!
EXTREME MAKEOVER: MANIGATOR EDITION
HOMESTEAD, FL – “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” was gracious enough to feature Manigator on last week’s episode. In usual form, Manigator was not gracious in return.
BAT BOY LINES UP TO MEET 'TWILIGHT' STAR
PHILADELPHIA, PA – Whether he’s a fan of the books or just trying to make friends, Bat Boy was spotted waiting in line to meet the star of the upcoming film “Twilight”.
EU Urges Integration of Vampires
BRUSSELS, BELGIUM – The European Union has taken action to integrate one of its least recognized minorities: vampires.
The move was a reaction to an Italian ruling to put crosses on top of every street sign and lamp-post in the country, a move many feel was aimed directly at the vampire community.
Undead Demand Health Insurance
Washington, DC – The nation’s undead community is demanding the right to health insurance—and it is a battle it can win, say experts.
Dwarf Vampires
Seattle emergency room physicians been dealing with a rash of patients suffering from strange ankle bites