UPDATE: John Thain’s push for $10 million bonus is possibly orchestrated by aliens!
STONER MUMMY ATTACKS
LUXOR, EGYPT – A team of Archaeologists was attacked after removing an ancient marijuana stash from a priest’s tomb.
BEASTIE BAT BOYS
BROOKLYN, NY – The Beastie Boys held a secret show in their hometown, and a certain beastly boy was on hand to collaborate.
BURRESS BLAMES LEPRECHAUN FOR INJURY
NEW YORK, NY – Plaxico Burress has finally admitted who – or what – he was aiming at when he accidentally shot himself.
PhD APE LENDS SHOULDER TO BRITNEY
LOS ANGELES, CA – After revealing herself in the MTV documentary “Britney: For the Record”, Britney Spears turned to an old friend for support.
CHAOS CLOUD TAKES ON THAILAND
BANGKOK, THAILAND – The Chaos Cloud is apparently unhappy over the uproar in Bangkok’s airport.
CROP CIRCLES IN WINEHOUSE'S HAIR
UPDATE: Amy Winehouse has been submitted to the hospital again, this time over stress from her crop circles!
BRONX MOWGLI ALSO HATES NAME
LOS ANGELES, CA – The son of Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson can be included in those who hate his name.
SOMALI PIRATES TO ACQUIRE CITIBANK
DJIBOUTI – The Somali pirates, renegade Somalis known for hijacking ships for ransom in the Gulf of Aden, are negotiating a purchase of Citigroup.
WOLF BOY PRESIDENT OF HAIR CLUB FOR MEN
MUMBAI, INDIA – Eleven year old Pruthviraj Patil, the world famous Indian Wolf Boy, has taken the helm of the multi-million dollar company.