A kid works the system to get his games, while the Grim Reaper quits?
WHAAT?
If you’re contributing to the mess that is this crazy world, send me a letter at editor@weeklyworldnews.com
If you’re trying to clean it up, good luck.
RENT-A-TREATER
Dear Dotti,
I’m eleven and I have to earn Robux any way I can. I want to rent myself out as a trick-or-treater to people who don’t have kids. I’ll wear my Dandy’s World costume, and they can walk around with me on Halloween. I’ll keep the candy and they can give me a hundred Robux so I can buy a new skin. Also, if they want to put my picture on Instagram, that’s okay, but it costs more money. Do you know any people without kids?
—Signed, Dandy Dollars
Dear Roblox Noob,
Skip the people who don’t want kids. They’re busy hanging at a dog park humble bragging about their Cavapoochon, Chewbert. You know who’ll follow you around with a bottle of water and jacket just in case? The grandma who got ditched when the family moved out of state. Find a house with a goose statue in a hand-knit sweater, and you’ve found your mark. Always be closing. Arrive with a tear in your eye. Your parents are “too busy to take you trick-or-treating.” Then, move in for the kill. A hundred bucks? Go for five hundred. If the internet can scam ‘em, why can’t you? Leave the part out about new skin. Trust me.
— Dotti
GRIM AT THE GYM?
Dear Dotti,
Before you freak out, I’m only WRITING to you and not APPEARING so you’re good “for now.” That out of the way, it’s me, the Grim Reaper. My work conditions have always been terrible. Appearances happen seven days a week, all times of the day and night and my boss can be abusive! My only choice? Quiet quitting. I do the minimum for six hours and then I put down my scythe, which is heavy! Now I have time to go to the gym, meditate, go to trauma therapy and watch reruns of Three’s Company. Yes, people die all around me when I lift heavy, but I deserve self-care too! Back me up on this, Dotti, you’re my only hope.
— Reaper, Grim.
Dear Lazy Grim,
I’m a thousand years old. You think I give a damn about your self-care quiet quitting BS? Therapy yourself right back to work! You’ve got a kill list, and you need to get to it instead of extinguishing the life force of everyone at 24-Hour Fitness! Just don’t come to my door because I’m too stubborn to die before I’m good and ready.
— Dotti
Toodaloo boo!
