NORMAN, OK – Country singer Toby Keith offended Asian people everywhere with a racist gesture. His manager blames it on Keith having been lobotomized early in his career.
WASHINGTON, DC – The District of Columbia legalized gay marriage yesterday, and society has already begun to crumble.
NEW YORK, NY – The New York Post has hired former call girl Ashley Dupre to write an advice column. We have some of her rejected early drafts.
MILAN – Italian Premier Silvio Berlusconi was punched in the face outside a political rally – by a girl!
SEASIDE HEIGHTS, NJ – Italian Americans continue to protest MTV’s Jersey Shore, despite the likeness of Christopher Columbus appearing in one of the cast members’ tans.
LOS ANGELES, CA – Jessica Simpson is dating Billy Corgan, sources close to the couple say she likes him to dress up like Bat Boy!
NEW YORK, NY – Earlier this week Glenn Beck offended a Polish American group by “butchering” the pronunciation of Rep. Jan Schakowsky’s name.
DETROIT, MI – Winter has finally arrived in a series of storms pelting the Midwest. Bat Boy has instigated a statewide day of revelry in Michigan.
LONDON – Last night, Virgin Galactic unveiled its new SpaceShipTwo, christened the VSS Enterprise.
MIAMI, FL – Tiger Woods has paid his mistress so she would never admit to affair. He used a series of fake charities to hide it from his wife.