NEW YORK, NY – The New York Post has hired former call girl Ashley Dupre to write an advice column. We have some of her rejected early drafts.
Dupre rose to fame in February, 2008, for being the high-end prostitute involved in the Elliot Spitzer scandal. Spitzer, who was married, had to step down as Governor of New York. Dupre, it became known, also appeared in a “Girls Gone Wild” video. Now the 24 year old will be giving advice on sex and relationships to millions of New Yorkers. Weekly World News has acquired some of her early rejected drafts for the column.
My husband isn’t as interested in making love as he used to be. I know he’s been stressed at work recently, and maybe that’s all it is. We’ve been married for 19 years, and neither of us are spring chickens anymore. I just want to feel loved again.
Lonely in Yonkers
Maybe it’s because you’re fat. Are you fat? Then don’t be, guys hate that. Hey, if you’re overweight and middle aged, you don’t deserve to be loved. But if he’s got money you want to get your hands on then here’s what you do. Tell him you’re interested in something kinky and new. Don’t say what. Put on a sexy robe so he’ll wonder what you’re wearing underneath. Tie him to the bed and blindfold him. Then grab his wallet and the title to his car and get out.
My dad and I aren’t getting along. It used to be okay, but since he retired it’s gotten horrible. I’d move out, but I’m going to college and can’t afford to live on my own. All we do is fight and it’s affecting my studies. What should I do?
Frustrated in Queens
Legally I cannot encourage you to take up prostitution. But it would help fix a lot of your problems, I’m just saying. Getting along with your dad? I don’t know! Is he getting drunk and hitting on your friends? No? Then I guess you don’t have anything to complain about, do you?!?
My girlfriend and I have been dating for a few months and have started being sexual. I’m not the biggest guy in the world but her last boyfriend was huge. She says it doesn’t bother her but I know she’s not entirely satisfied. What should I do?
Not Measuring Up
AH You’re Tiny!!! BWA HAHAHAHA!!! And you admitted it!! HAhahaHAHA! OH, I’m not gonna stop laughing about that all day. That’s too funny! Seriously I’m like crying now. OHmygod. She’s gonna leave you for a real man eventually so forget about it. Maybe go find some even tinier woman from the jungle or Amish country or something, who doesn’t know better and thinks you’re like huge.
BWA YOU’re TINY!!!! HAHAHAHAahahA!! Oh I’m crying again!