Professors Warn: Cuts in Funding and Tenure Cause Havoc! Ancient Evils REMAIN A SECRET! Recent labor strife at colleges and universities has unmasked long-term issues in academia,. From low wages, precarious employment, and lower-quality education for students to the cost of intellectual inquiry. And a new report from the National Endowment for the Humanities finds … READ MORE
Omaha – The nation’s largest union for train robbers announced that they would not cross the picket lines in support of railroad workers currently on strike against the nation’s largest freight carriers. “They say there is no honor among thieves, and that there are no lines we will not cross, but that is not true,” … READ MORE
GENERATION X REPORTS THE MOST PARANORMAL ACTIVITY! Washington, D.C – A new report from the FBI finds Generation X (those born between 1965 – 1980) were the most likely to report paranormal activity. This far exceeds their portion of the adult population. “For decades Baby Boomers have been our biggest reporting bloc,” says FBI researcher … READ MORE
BIDEN TO MEXICO: DEVALUE PESO TO PRESERVE CINCO DE MAYO! Washington, D.C. – The Bureau of Labor Statistics sent out another warning today, due to inflation. National Marijuana Day has been rescheduled. It will now be April 30th. “Supply chain issues, expanded money supply, and the lagging effect of COVID-19 has forced us to make … READ MORE
“They’re tragically delicious!” experts say Dublin – University College Dublin issued a stark warning about the decline in Leprechaun populations. The source of the decline is the poaching of the Irish little people’s beloved lucky charms. “This is the worst demographic blow to Ireland since the potato famine!” declared Jason O’Flannery, chair of the Leprechaun … READ MORE
Governor: “From the Wright Brothers To P’Lod, Ohio is First in Flight!” Ohio’s new economic ad campaign “Ohio is for Leaders” has achieved universal acclaim. It has brought aliens to the state! “When most new species visit Earth, they want you to take them to your leader,” says Dr. Amy Carmine, “Ohio has sent out … READ MORE