GENERATION X-FILES?

GENERATION X REPORTS THE MOST PARANORMAL ACTIVITY!

Washington, D.C – A new report from the FBI finds Generation X (those born between 1965 – 1980) were the most likely to report paranormal activity. This far exceeds their portion of the adult population.

“For decades Baby Boomers have been our biggest reporting bloc,” says FBI researcher Melvin Connelly. “They were constantly keeping us informed of the many fantastic things that science cannot explain. But what started as a slow shift turned heavily in favor of Gen X.”

Indeed, the report finds that the COVID-19 pandemic forever altered the landscape of paranormal activity reporting. This is in addition to recent shifts in culture allowing more people to tell their stories. Other historic causes are cited to explain Gen X surpassing the larger Millennial cohort. It appears that chronological cycles of paranormal activity favor the middle-aged demographic.

The report breaks down the four main causes of Generation X becoming Generation X-Files.

1. More Unstructured Free Time As Children

While admitting they lacked hard numbers, anecdotal reports in the form of popular memes suggest Generation X had more unstructured free time outdoors than Millennials or “kids today” (presumed to mean Gen Z).

“Free unstructured time is key to discovery, both of one’s self, the meaning of friendship, the first feelings of love, and more importantly, malevolent evils, cursed artifacts, and forbidden places,” says Columbia University professor Dr. Francine Canon.

Canon says Millennials had helicopter parents, increased structured activities, and more time online, taking them away from nature.

“While Millennials certainly have more techno-horrors to report, they lack the broad range of paranormal activities Generation X experienced in their lifetimes,” Canon says.

2. Cycles of Ancient Evils Coming Due

When it comes to paranormal activity, timing is everything. And Generation X favorably fell into a period of paranormal activity in their youth that is playing out again in a new cycle.

“Generation X lived their childhoods at the tail end of the post-war boom, where American population had grown and spread out,” explains University of Southern California historian Ezekiel Danvers.

“Suburbs spread out, pushing a young population closer to the mysterious places that diabolic house entities. Boomers and eventually Gen Xers would stumble upon these horrors in their pre-teen to early 20s. This would set off cycles of cosmic horror. In the last few years these cycles of their youth have begun anew, requiring many Gen-Xers to return to their hometowns to finish what had been started decades ago,” Danvers said.

Millennials, he said, lived in a more stagnant era, with movement directed towards rebuilt and gentrified parts of the city. Previous generations had largely forced out the antediluvian monstrosities years before.

“If you live near a Whole Foods, Apple Store, or Urban Outfitters, chances of running into the spawn of Satan are nil,” Danvers said.

3. The Stranger Things Effect

Another big shift has been the Netflix historic drama Stranger Things. Creators Matt and Ross Duffer technically count as elder Millennials. But experts say that their birth in the liminal space between generations has opened a portal. Their naturally occurring psychic superpowers as identical twins opened a portal into the traumas of Generation X.

“While Stranger Things changed the names and setting of the events portrayed, the Duffer Brothers are telling the true tale of what average Gen Xers who identified as losers in their pre-teen to early adult years experienced,” said author and Gen-X historian Marianne Quill.

According to Quill, while Stranger Things is an homage to the horror entertainment of the past, it serves a different role to older adults than when they were children.

“When you’re young, those are like sports movies, showing an idealized world where at least a few of the good guys or girls would escape the horror, just like the underdog sports team would pull off the win, or at least a moral victory,” Quill said, “But watching Stranger Things 30 years removed, it’s really opened people up to talking about their experiences. We call it the “Stranger Things Effect”, or unofficially ‘#MeBoo!’.”

4. The COVID-19 Pandemic

The COVID-19 pandemic changed everything, and among the shifts were how Generation X experienced the paranormal.

“Naturally there was a drop in overall case counts following the lockdowns. Especially with so much public attention turned toward health scares, political unrest, and other issues,” the FBI’s Melvin Connelly said. “But like most paranormal matters, there was a subterranean tide shifting while the world was distracted with everyday concerns.”

Connelly says two factors came into play. First was the spike in COVID-19 deaths that hit Gen-X’s parent’s generation.

“The spike in deaths saw two things – deathbed confessions of pass misdeed and the discovery of those secrets when going through their parent’s stuff,” Connelly explained.

The next factor: the lockdowns around the country gave Gen-Xers more time to investigate dark secrets.

“In any generation generally only one-third of dark family secrets are examined,” Connelly said. “Obviously many people choose to turn away, shuffle the responsibility to another generation, or deny there ever was a problem. This was especially true of the Boomer generation when barely 20% bothered.”

With the lockdowns, however, the time at home and online resources made examining the past much easier than before.

“The moment and the tools were just right. Upwards of 60% of Generation X followed through on the research. Tales of hidden crimes, forgotten relatives locked away, and black sheep of families were rejected due to their special powers. They also discovered parents who worked for secretive government agencies,” Connelly said.

Report Recommendations and Conclusion

The report has many recommendations for policymakers, including areas where an increase in funding can help.

“Obviously we need to hire more FBI agents to handle reports,” Connelly said. “We also need more public and private investment for therapy, law enforcement training, and public education,. We also need money to create TV shows and films based on the experiences of Gen X.”

The report concludes that the time and expenditure will be worth it. Generation X is in a position to clear the nation’s heavy karmic debts of prior generations.

“While they may never match the service of The Greatest Generation, Generation X can right many wrongs. And that makes them special. However, the wholesale extermination of the nation’s past transgressions will deny future generations the opportunity to face a killer clown or a wretched devil monster. But Millennials and Gen Z will have more than enough on their hand. There will be many dark challenges ahead for them,” the report concludes.